Secrets and Revelations
by new.writer.girl
Summary: How long can she keep it hidden? As things start unraveling around her, can Hermione keep the biggest secret of all? Will Sirius prove to be the man she thought he was? Drama filled fic, lots of emotion... Sirius/Hermione fans will love it! Read & Review.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Harry Potter.

Well everyone… this was actually the second fic I'd ever written. I wasn't sure if it was ready to be posted and it isn't finished yet, but seeing how many people like 'Constellations' pretty much pushed me into posting it. Sirius/Hermione eat your heart out! You're going to LOVE it!

**Chapter One**

_Hogwarts: September_

Empty. That was the only word that truly expressed how Hermione Granger was feeling at that precise moment. Standing in the doorway of her new chambers she took in the space that would be her home for only one more year. Her seventh and final year. It was pleasant enough. To any other head girl it would seem like the most enchanting room in the castle. In a school as big as Hogwarts, privacy was priceless. But nothing seemed to bring Hermione out of the depression that had once again come to settle over her.

She dragged her bursting book bag over the threshold to rest next to her newly delivered trunk. Then only bothering to take off her shoes she sank down into the covers of the four poster that sat against the far wall. How could she have been so stupid? Did she really think that he could change, that he wasn't just as selfish and childish as he had been before he fell through the veil? She had so much anger inside her it felt as if she was burning. Pulling the covers over her head she gave into the tears that had been threatening to pour out since leaving Grimmauld Place that morning.

It had all happened so gradually. Neither of them had planned it. At the time it just felt so right. Never had she had these feelings about anyone. _Looking into his grey eyes as he ran his fingertips down her left cheek_. She was sure that that was it - that was the moment she realised she was in love with Sirius Black.

~ o ~ o ~ o ~ o ~ o ~

_Summer Flashback: July_

Eight days. That's how long she had been refusing to come out of the room she and Ginny shared at Grimmauld Place. Eight days. That's how long it had been since she had spoken a word to anyone. Eight days. that's how long it had been since she had been informed of her parents murder.

For the first few days she had sobbed continuously, but now she just lay staring at the opposite wall, her eyes blurry and her cheeks stained with tears. At first it had seemed as if she needed some time to be alone with her grief. But after five days it had become obvious to everyone in the house that Hermione did not intend to move from her bed. Not now or anytime soon. Nothing anybody did seemed to drag her from her current state.

"Just let her be for little longer Molly. It's only been a week." Arthur Weasley pleaded with his wife.

"A week? Arthur the child hasn't eaten in eight days! She's been in the same bloody position for most of them. No one can get her to move."

"It's not like we haven't tried love. Harry and Ron are in there practically all day -"

"It doesn't make a difference Arthur!" she sang out exasperated. "If nothing's changed by tonight we'll have to use magic."

"Now dear... do you really think that's necessary -"

"What's necessary?" said a voice from the kitchen door, through which walked none other than Sirius Black, followed by a tired looking Remus Lupin. "Afternoon Molly. Arthur." the later said nodding his head towards the pair.

"Afternoon Remus." Molly said stiffly, shooting a disapproving look towards Sirius who was now searching the pantry for something to drink.

"Molly and I were just discussing Hermione. She doesn't seem to be doing any better and we're not really sure what the next step to take is -"

"Actually we are perfectly sure but Arthur here seems too think that using magic is a little drastic at present." Molly said with a definite edge of sarcasm.

Remus joined the couple at the table. "How long has it been now... eight days?"

Molly nodded her head softly tears gathering in her eyes. " And she still isn't eating?" Remus asked sighing.

"No." Molly said turning to her husband. "She's like a daughter to me. If anything happens to her I don't know -"

"Sshh Sshh. Come on now" Arthur said wiping the tears from his wife's eyes "She's going to be fine. She just needs a little time to grieve properly."

"I'm not sure Arthur, perhaps a potion or spell would help her some. At least to eat." Remus stated.

At this comment Sirius stepped from the Pantry. "Come on! She doesn't need a spell to eat. She'll obviously be hungry by now. Someone just needs to... you know... pull her out of it." he said in an _isn't that obvious_ sort of way.

Molly's head shot up. "It's not as if we haven't tried Sirius." she said, her voice sharp "She simply refuses to move. Harry and Ron are with her all day. Everybody's tried Sirius. That's the point."

Sirius appearing slightly muffed about being spoken to like a child, turned and made his way out the door. "Not everybody Molly." he threw over his shoulder as he started towards the stairs.

~ o ~ o ~ o ~ o ~ o ~

Sirius knocked once before entering the room at the end of the hall on the second floor. His heart went out to his godson sitting in a chair beside the bed at the far side of the room. He was leaning forward pulling the covers up over the shoulders of the young girl lying down, his eyes heavy with exhaustion and worry. Sirius took a few steps forward before Harry looked up. "Sirius!" he said crossing the room towards the older man.

"Hey mate. How are you doin'? You don't look so great." Sirius said placing his hand on Harry's shoulder.

"I'm alright... just worried." Harry sighed "She doesn't look at me when I'm talking to her. I don't even know if she knows anyone's here..."

"Don't worry. She knows mate. You've been a good friend staying with her. It helps to know that someone's there." Harry nodded. "But you've gotta get some rest... why don't you let me sit with her and you go get something to eat downstairs." Harry looked up unsure. "It's alright. You won't be gone that long and I'll be here if she needs anything." Sirius assured him.

Harry looked back towards Hermione. "... ten minutes? Are you sure you're ok up here?"

Sirius rolled his eyes. "Yeah Harry I offered didn't I? Now I'm not really taking no for an answer."

Harry made his way back towards Hermione kissing her on the cheek. "I'll be back soon alright. I'll just be downstairs. Sirius is here ok?" he tried to assure her. She lay motionless, giving him no clue whether or not she heard him.

"I'll be back soon." Harry said once more before making his way downstairs.

Sirius made his way over to the chair Harry had been sitting in. He looked down at the girl in front of him. Her hair was, for lack of a better word... everywhere. Her eyes were puffy and her cheeks appeared slightly sunken. He had to admit that she did look pretty bad. But hey he'd looked that bad once. He'd felt that bad once. Prison does that sort of thing to people.

"So... Hermione you're not looking too good there hun." Sirius began. _Perhaps not the best way to begin their conversation_ he thought. Now that he was up here and he'd seen her he began re-thinking his earlier opinions on magic. What was he supposed to say to this broken form in the bed in front of him? She looked so... damaged... so hurt.

A few minutes passed before Sirius once again broke the silence. "... When James and Lilly died... I went after Peter as soon as I heard. I was going to rip the limbs from his body. I was mad... so... enraged. But not only at him..." he said looking up. "At myself too. If I hadn't suggested they change secret keepers they would still be here. Harry would still have parents... guilt does strange things to people Hermione." She was still staring ahead but he continued. "I felt that I deserved death almost as much as Peter... just for my stupidity... for being such an unseeing fool." Sirius had tears in his eyes now. "They were the only family I had and I let them down. Until I saw that photo in the newspaper I would have punished myself in Azkaban for the rest of my life... But seeing Peter and knowing he was out there, capable of almost anything... well I knew I had to move forward... for Harry." Sirius ran his hands through his hair. "Just like you have to begin to move forward now. I know you feel guilty, and you're allowed to. But it can't eat you up. You have to let it go... for everyone... for Ron and Harry. He needs you more than you know..." Sirius finished, brushing at his eyes.

He looked down to find her crying silently. "I'm going to sit you up now ok?" He said.

Gripping both her arms he pulled her into a sitting position. Her shoulders seemed to sink in as she crumpled into herself trying to catch her breath. It took a second for Sirius to realise that she was sobbing - these gut wrenching sobs that come deep from within your soul. He put an arm around the young witch and pulled her towards him. He knew that she needed to let all of this out before she would be ready to talk about what she was feeling or thinking, so he simply cast a silencing spell on the room so that the others wouldn't be distressed by her loud cries, and held her in his arms.

He looked up as she said his name "Sirius... it was my fault.' her voice was like whisper. "They wanted to leave... run away... but we argued and I was yelling at them." Her voice rose a notch when she looked up into his eyes and said. "I said I wouldn't leave Harry. The last time I saw them... I chose Harry over my own parents Sirius. How can I ever forgive myself for that?"

"You need no forgiveness Hermione." Sirius' voice was stern. "Their deaths were NOT your fault. You chose your path and they chose theirs. They knew that you loved them and that you were only doing what you thought was right."

"That's exactly it though... what if what I thought was right was actually completely wrong? What if I wasn't meant to choose this path? I chose wrong Sirius!" Hermione cried tears streaming down her face.

"_Never _say that! You chose Harry... and your support did save him. If you hadn't of been there in the final battle, he may have died. Your parents would be happy to know that their daughter chose such a self sacrificing path... instead of running away from the fight."

She was staring ahead again and for a moment Sirius thought that she had returned to her trance like state. A few seconds past before she looked up into his face and nodded.

"Ok well... why don't I go down and see if I can't get some of that food everyone's being talking about? Think you're up to it?" He asked, smiling.

"Yeah I think that would be alright." she said softly.

Entering the kitchen Sirius nodded his head towards Harry "I think if you took her up something to eat now, she'd be alright with it."

Harry flew out of his seat so fast to hug his godfather, Sirius could have sworn he had apparated. Molly handed him a tray laden with enough food for an army, with a "Make sure she eats it all."

Then before Sirius could move she had her arms around him. "You aren't as bad as you think you are Sirius Black" Molly said as she released him.

Realising that he had just received praise from Molly Weasley, he smirked a little and made his way for the door. Turning back to her with a wink he said "I'll be at the pub if anyone needs me".

Reviews please everyone. The more reviews the more I write!


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: **Sadly Harry Potter doesn't belong to me.

The second Chapter is up and ready. Hope you like it… I'm trying to get the present and flashbacks in order since they're pretty much all over the place on my desktop. So a little patience everyone…

**Chapter Two:**

_Summer Flashback: August_

It had been almost a month since Sirius had managed to rouse her from her catatonic state. Harry had come up minutes after he'd left. She'd never seen his face look so happy than when he saw her sitting up in her bed. In just seconds she'd had her head buried in his shoulder. "I'm sorry Harry... I'm so sorry for putting you through this." She had seen the pain she had been causing him - but could not force herself to stop.

"It doesn't matter now. You're okay... and you're going to get better." He smiled.

And that had been how everything had started to get back to normal. Well sort of...

"The Pub?" Hermione said "Again?" She sighed as she sat down at the table, pulling a tray of scones towards her plate.

"Why do you care so much anyway?" said Ron as he shoved a whole scone in his mouth. She slapped his hand back before he could reach for another one and frowned at him.

"I just haven't had a chance to speak to him properly since... before" she said looking up to her two best friends. "I want to say thanks... and everything."

"That's nice 'Mione, but I don't think Sirius is really the sort of guy who would be upset if you didn't say anything." Ron said between mouthfuls.

"How would you know Ronald?" she snapped at him. "Maybe I'll just wait until he comes home and - "

"I don't think that would such a great idea Hermione" Harry said.

She began to open her mouth in protest before being cut off by Ron. "Yeah I think a chat is _the last_ thing on Sirius' mind when he gets home." He was trying to hide the smirk on his face as he turned to look at Harry. Before long the two of them were laughing.

"Did I miss something?" Hermione said, annoyed that the two boys were poking fun at her expense.

It took another minute or so before Harry said "He usually brings home company 'Mione."

"Compan- Oh!" She said getting the point quickly. "Every night?"

The two grinning boys looked at each other again before saying "Every night!"

Laying in bed that night Hermione couldn't put her finger on how she felt. Sirius had been out getting drunk and lucky every night since she'd been better. He had only been to a handful of dinners (usually before an Order meeting) and no breakfasts. In fact the only time she had seen him was around Midday when he would come into the kitchen for a tanker of coffee before disappearing again. She had tried to talk to him on these occasions but he would only grunt a good morning before heading back upstairs. Stretching her arms above her head she concluded that there was no way that she was going to be able to get any sleep just yet. _Maybe a cup of tea would help._ It was definitely late - everyone was already in bed as she crept downstairs and into the kitchen.

On entering the room she realised that it was already occupied. Sirius sat at the table with a mug in his hands. His head shot up to look at who had entered.

"Sirius - Hi... I... um... sorry I just thought that I'd get some tea to help me sleep... but I don't really... um... night..." Hermione blabbered, turning to make her way out of the door.

"I can't sleep either." said the deep voice behind her. "Actually I don't think that I've slept through the night in years."

Hermione moved to put the kettle on the stovetop. "Well I've found that something hot usually helps." _Oh my God! Did I really just say that?_ She turned to see Sirius giving her a smirk. "Just ignore that last sentence - the sleep deprivation is getting to me."

"Riiigght" Sirius drawled.

"What are you doing home anyway? I thought you were meant to be out at the pub... at least that's where everyone thinks you are... every night."

"Yeah well they would wouldn't they? I usually am... I mean I used to be. I guess I just haven't really felt like going lately. I mean what can I get at the pub that I can't get here?"

Now it was Hermione's turn to smirk. "Yeah okay… scratch that last statement." said Sirius "You know what I mean."

"Mmm" mused Hermione. "I guess it's just funny to think that Harry and Ron think that your out shmoozing all night... when in fact you're sat here drinking _tea_ in the kitchen."

"Well if you wouldn't mind, let's just keep the _tea _part of the statement between us."

"I wasn't planning on saying anything." said Hermione quietly.

It was silent for the next few minutes, Hermione twirling her mug in her hands. She wanted to say it, she really did but she couldn't seem to find the words and now the silence was stretching out and it was becoming more obvious that he would be gone in the next few minutes. He seemed to be fidgeting almost as if he was uncomfortable.

"Well I think that's all the tea I can handle for tonight." Sirius drawled as he stood up and put his mug in the sink.

He was just at the door when Hermione spun around to grab his arm from her seat. "Wait!" He looked down at her unexpectedly, her small hand gripping his forearm.

"I - I wanted to say thank you... it's just that I haven't had a chance since - well you've been gone and I haven't had a chance to-"

"It's unnecessary Hermione really. I was just doing my..." He really was uncomfortable. She could tell. His eyes were on her but his shoulders gave him away. They were too tight. Too strained.

"Am I making you uncomfortable?" she burst out.

'What?"

"You just seem to be uncomfortable... nervous almost... are you-"

"I'm fine really. But if you wouldn't mind?" He said, gesturing to her hand. _Was she making him uncomfortable?_

She realised that she still had a hold of his arm. She released it instantly. "I'm sorry." she said looking anywhere but at him. A red flush was already creeping up her neck. Her cheeks were beginning to burn. _What the hell had she been thinking?_ "I'm um... gonna go" She quickly stepped around him and practically flew through the door, shaking her head as she entered the hall.

_Shit! Shit! Shit! _thought Sirius. _What the hell is your problem?_ Finding his feet he quickly ran after her, catching her at the bottom of the stairs. "Hermione wait." he called softly. Now that she was looking up at him though most of his thoughts flew out the window. "It's not you. I just haven't been myself lately. I don't know what the hell is wrong with me actually." He was brushing his hands through his hair.

"Sirius are you alright?" she sounded almost alarmed.

"Hermione I'm not cursed or anything. Just tired." he sighed.

"Look it's late. We should be at least trying to get a few hours of sleep in. I'll see you in the morning." Before she could say anything else he was up the stairs and in his room. Relieved that he had escaped her questions at least for tonight. Removing his shirt, he lay down on his bed. He hadn't been out in a _very_ long time. _Bloody hell he'd freaked out when Hermione was too close - what the hell was he afraid of? It wasn't like she knew. _Mind you she probably knew now, thanks to his inability to act like a mature adult. But her eyes... they were so piercing. It was like she saw everything. He couldn't shake the feeling that she was watching him - waiting for something. It was slightly unnerving... yet exhilarating at the same time. There was something about her - and that's what made him so nervous. She was his godson's best friend. His teenage best friend. The last thing Sirius needed right now was to be having thoughts about Hermione of all people.

~ o ~ o ~ o ~ o ~ o ~

Each day was a little easier. She didn't want to think about the beginning of the summer and how she had been. That was in the past. Now it was time to move on, like Sirius had said. She was used to her routine now. Get up, shower, eat, read, eat again, talk, read some more, maybe eat some more and go to bed, It seemed boring, when you say it like that but in fact it was one of the things that kept her together. She was trying to fill her days with as much as she could handle... and then before she knew it, the day was over and she was one step closer to being better - being whole.

That day had been no exception. She'd gone into Diagon Alley with Ron and Ginny earlier to pick up school supplies. Harry had stayed home to catch up with Sirius. It was funny to be away from him. It was the first time they had been apart all summer. She knew that by the time she got home he would be chomping at the bit to make sure she was alright. But they needed this time apart. She couldn't keep depending on him, and he needed to know that she would get better. Still, those thoughts didn't stop her from jumping into his arms as soon as she got home.

"Here." she said, handing him a small paper bag "I got you some chocolate frogs. But you had better eat them fast because Ron is on a sweets rampage and if he so much as smells sugar I'm pretty sure they're history."

"Had fun?" said Harry as he bit into the fidgeting chocolate.

"Mmm heaps. Ginny and I spent an hour or two in the bookstore while Ron got his quidditch robes adjusted. I haven't been to Diagon Alley in what seems like forever. I've really missed it you know."

"I know what you mean. I wish I could have come. I had fun here with Sirius, but if I'm honest I was a bit worried about you today."

"Well you shouldn't have been. I'm doing much better. Thanks to you and everyone. But Harry - unless you let me back out into the world I'll never be me again."

"I know." He sighed.

"Hey if you do want to look after me a bit more though, you could go see if dinner's ready. I'm starved." She said with a cheeky laugh.

"Hmph... yeah yeah. I'm going." Harry said with a playful nudge to her arm.

Once she was alone in the room she let out a long sigh. She knew that she was doing better, but the days still sometimes seemed like an effort. She wanted to be better. But at the same time she wanted to be herself too. Being happy _all the time_ wasn't realistic at the moment. But for everyone's sake, she was trying.

"You shouldn't lie to him like that." Said a deep voice from behind her.

"What?" She questioned, turning to see Sirius at the door.

"He's only trying to look after you. Spent practically the whole day waiting for you to get home so that he could make sure you were okay. No one expects you to get better over night you know. You're allowed to be sad once in a while."

"I - I wasn't lying. I'm doing better."

"I know you are. I'm just saying that if you're having a bad day, you should talk about it. He can handle it."

"No he can't." Hermione said with a little more force than necessary. "You think he can but I know he can't. It brings him down. And then he worries even more. I know my best friend."

"And he knows you." Sirius said taking a step towards her. "We all do, which means that we know when you're putting on the happy face."

"Sirius I don't really want to talk about this with you." she said, going to move past him. But he put his arm out to stop her leaving.

"'Mione, if you need to talk... I'm always around."

Looking up into his face she felt a sudden burst of courage. "Sure it won't make you too uncomfortable?"

His eyebrow suddenly quirked. "What makes you think that I'd be uncomfortable?"

Hermione just shook her head as she made her way towards the stairs. "See you later Sirius"


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Harry Potter… It's all J.K.

Yes we're still in flashback mode but I promise that we'll be cutting to the present within the next couple of chapters. We just need to cover a bit of background first… then the real drama starts. Yay! Reviews please… I can't update unless I know people are actually reading it!

**Chapter Three:**

_Summer Flashback: August_

Everyone had gone to bed hours ago, leaving Hermione thoroughly engrossed in her latest book. Stretching out her arms she thought it was about time she tried to get some sleep too. However, when she stood up to move toward the door, someone was already bursting through it. His hair was tussled, his shirt unbuttoned, he actually looked a little angry... and incredibly... hot! _Oh Merlin. I shouldn't be thinking that!_

"About earlier Hermione..." Sirius began, trying desperately not to look at her for too long. "I probably shouldn't have said - what I mean is - I didn't want to upset you. But Harry deserves to-"

"It's alright Sirius." She said, letting him off the hook. He really was struggling to get through the sentence. "But you should know that I won't put Harry through any more worry. And if that means hiding the truth from him sometimes then so be it." Pulling her gaze up to meet his she noticed that he did in fact look annoyed.

"Hiding your true feelings from us won't help you any Hermione. Is that what you've been doing - playing us along?" OK so maybe now he was pretty mad.

"What? What are you on about Sirius? I _do not_ have to give you a minute to minute update on my emotions. How dare you insinuate that I _play _you along? What the hell does that even mean?" she yelled slightly exasperated.

"It means I don't like being lied to. I don't like it when people act like they're alright when they're not."

"What does it even matter to you? It's none of your business!" she snapped moving past him. He however, had other ideas as he grabbed her arm, spinning her to face him.

"It is my business if it concerns Harry!" Sirius snapped back at her.

She felt something sharp move through her chest, as if someone had stung her. "Is that what this was? You're concerned for Harry?" Hermione wrenched her arm from his grasp, backing away towards the door. "You never cared about me at all! I thought you helped me. I felt _grateful_ to you... and it was for nothing..." she said practically whispering the last bit.

Her face was crumpling in front of him. This wasn't how it was supposed to go. He had wanted to apologise but then she'd looked so damn good just sitting there. He'd felt a sudden anger towards her for getting to him like this. He wasn't supposed to feel this way. And now she was crying... because she thought he didn't care.

"Hermione that's not what I meant. I was just taking out my anger on you. I'm sorry...please don't cry." he pleaded as he took her small frame in his arms.

"I know that it's too much for them but s-sometimes it's just so hard to put on a b-brave face." she sobbed into his chest. "I can't hurt them. Harry and Ron are all that I have left."

Sirius' heart was breaking watching her shoulders heave up and down with her small sobs. Tucking his finger below her chin, he pulled her face up to look at him. "You're not alone... You have me."

Her breath caught in her throat as she took in his words. He was staring straight at her, inches from her face. Something in her head was telling her that she should pull away. That he was too close. That her best friend's godfather was too close. But this was Sirius. Her Sirius! He'd said it himself. That he was hers. Reaching her hand up to cup his face she pulled his mouth down to hers.

"Hermio-" He began

"Please Sirius..." she whispered, looking straight into his eyes.

And then he was kissing her. His rough lips were moving against her with a tenderness she would not of thought him capable of. She parted her lips slightly, letting him deepen the kiss. Her hands moved across his chest as he gently moved his tongue against hers. His hands were cupping her face so softly. She wanted to stay in his warm embrace forever. Who knew that kissing could be this good? By the time their lips finally parted Hermione's tears were long forgotten. She rested her head against his chest not wanting to move.

"What was that?" Sirius whispered.

"I don't know... but I know that it was good." She said with a slight giggle, pulling back to look at him. "Or maybe it wasn't." she corrected, catching sight of his expression.

"No! No! It was great! What I mean is... what I... are you alright?" He said sounding like he'd murdered Crookshanks or something.

"Oh I see... You think that you shouldn't have done that. That kissing me was a bad idea."

"Your 18."

"I'm of age Sirius! And I know exactly what I'm doing. You're forgetting that I kissed you too."

Sirius still looked more than a little uneasy. "I didn't forget. But that doesn't make you any older. We shouldn't be doing this. It seems depraved."

"Depraved?" Hermione questioned, stepping back from him. "Kissing me is depraved? Right, OK then um..." She'd never been so embarrassed.

"That's not it Hermione. I didn't mean it the way it sounded"

"Oh I think you did."

"Hermione-"

"Don't Sirius. I feel foolish enough as it is. Forcing someone to kiss you against their will isn't exactly... well it's embarrassing. And now all I want to do is escape this embarrassment."

"Mi-"

"Goodnight!" she quickly said, turning to walk to the door.

Sirius watched her walk away from him. He told himself that he was doing the right thing. Kissing her had been amazing, but she was Harry's best friend and he wasn't about to jeopardise his relationship with his godson. _But God she was gorgeous!_ he thought.

~ o ~ o ~ o ~ o ~ o ~

Hermione really didn't want to get up the next morning. She had kissed Sirius. And she had practically forced him to kiss her. What the hell was she thinking? Now she would have to face him this morning at breakfast... and there would be that awkwardness. "Argh... how did you get yourself into this?" she groaned into her pillow. Finally getting up, she padded towards the bathroom. Only then did she realise that it wasn't morning at all and that she probably hadn't been asleep all that long. _Just great! _she thought.

"I guess you couldn't sleep either." a deep voice said from behind her.

Turning around she found herself looking straight at the man in question. "Yeah I thought it was morning actually. Have you slept at all?"

Sirius shifted from foot to foot. "Not really." _What was he supposed to say? _

"This is going to be awkward isn't it?" Hermione said. "I don't want it to be but I - well I don't want it to be."

But before she could say another word, he had grabbed her hand and led her back through the door she had just exited i.e. her bedroom. "I don't think that that is a conversation we should be having out in the hall. The walls have ears you know... or at least some people have extendable ones."

She looked down to see that he was still holding her hand. "I didn't want you to feel obligated to kiss me. If you didn't want to you should have pulled away."

"I know that."

"Then why didn't you?" she quietly asked looking up at his face. "More importantly why did you keep kissing me?"

Sirius stared at the woman in front of him. If he didn't know her any better he would think that she was pissed off. "I wanted to keep kissing you."

"_What?_ Last night you said it was-"

Before she could say another word he had his lips on hers again. This time however he wasn't as gentle. Moving her back against the door he explored her mouth, moving his lips to kiss down her chin and neck. Hermione didn't know what to think. One minute he was pushing her away and the next minute he was all over her.

"Sirius..."

Moving back up her throat to look her in the eyes he said "If we're going to do this no one can know about it."

"I thought that - you said."

"Forget what I said. I'm an idiot. I've wanted to do this for a while and I'm not about to give it up because of some stupid age issues."

"And Harry?"

"He'll never have to know. If it's what you want?"

Hermione stared at his deep eyes wondering if she would ever feel this way again. He was looking at her so intently she thought she would break out of her skin. How could he make her feel this way. But then there was Harry... and the Order. But he'd said no one would have to know. "No one can know. I give you my word and I'll take yours."

He took her into his arms once again before planting a soft kiss on her cheek.

"I'll see you tomorrow then." he whispered, before leaving her alone in her room. _God I am never going to get any sleep now!_

So opinions anyone?


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Harry Potter… but I definitely wish I did!

Thank you for all the lovely reviews… keep them coming people. The more you review the more I can update. It's nice to know that you're reading my latest project.

**Chapter Four:**

Hermione felt her stomach tighten as she walked into the kitchen the next morning. Sirius was leaning against the sink smirking at Mrs. Weasley. "Mollywobbles huh? Love it!" He said laughing.

"Oh shut up Sirius!" She said with a fierce glare. "I'll kill Arthur for throwing that name around... kill him." The last bit was said under her breath but we all heard it. _Note to self: Steer clear of Mr. Weasley - there are bound to be some curses flying his way._ Looking up she found Sirius staring at her intently before grinning. "Morning Mione."

Blushing slightly she sat down at the table next to Ron. "Morning everyone." she replied taking a piece of toast from the large stack on the table.

"Mione do you wanna come to watch Harry and me fly this arvo?" said Ron, his mouth full of eggs.

Hermione looked up to where Sirius was standing. If she hadn't been looking for it then she never would have noticed. He was looking down and ever so slowly shaking his head from one side to the other. _Right so that would be a no?_

"Um actually Ron I've already got my whole day planned out. I've got a lot of reading that I want to catch up on and I'm probably going to be busy most of the day."

Before Ron could continue Ginny stepped in from the hall. "Hermione when am I gonna be able to move back in with you? I'm lonely up on the third floor." Rubbing her eyes she sat down opposite.

"Now you stop that whining right now Ginny! Hermione needs her space and some time to herself. You'll stay on that floor until she is ready. You hear?" Ginny eventually nodded. With the mood that Mrs. Weasley was in this morning I doubt that anyone will be arguing with her.

"So that's a no on the hanging out with us today them Mi?"

"Yeah I'm just going to... do my own thing." She said smiling before taking a bite out of her toast.

Harry turned around to Sirius. "What about you Sirius? You up to coming with Ron and I for a quick game?"

"Sorry Harry I've got some stuff to do. But we can definitely hang out tomorrow. Hey why don't you take Ginny with you?"

"Yeah I'll come. You guys can always use a third. Just let me go get changed and brush my teeth. Morning breath!"

"Well Arthur and I are going into London today so you're all welcome to come with us if you'd like." Mrs. Weasley said while levitating another plate of bacon to the table. But one look at her face told the table that no one wanted to be around when she and Mr. Weasley were alone. Heads were shaken all around.

Slowly but surely people began filing out of kitchen. Eventually Hermione and Sirius were the only two left. "Stuff to do huh? Well I'd better leave you to it..." Hermione said with a smirk, moving towards the door.

Sirius however beat her through it, whispering in her ear as he passed. "Meet me in the library when they're all gone."

She had practically counted the seconds until she'd heard the last calls of goodbye from the front door... bounding down the stairs two at a time - almost breaking her neck - to get to the library. But now that she was standing outside of the entryway she didn't know what to do. How was she supposed to act? What were they meant to do? Was she going to say something embarrassing? _Oh grow up Hermione! _she told herself sternly before entering. Seeing him lounging on the armchair in the far corner she made her way into the room as silently as she could.

"This is the one room in this house that I didn't loathe as a kid." he said huskily as he got up from the chair and began walking towards her. Before she knew it she was looking at his chest and then into his eyes.

"Was your childhood as bad as I've imagined?" she asked quietly.

Pushing a strand of hair from her forehead he answered just as quietly. "Yes. But I -" It was as if he thought better of what he was going to say.

"You what?"

"I guess that there were good times too... before I was old enough to realise my parents were insane. They were few and far between, but there were some."

She circled her hands around his neck and pushed herself onto her tiptoes to kiss his lips softly. "I'm sorry that you grew up like that." she whispered.

"But then I never would have met James and Remus... we might not have won the war." He said pulling back to look into her eyes.

"Everything happens for a reason." Hermione recited with a sad smile, as she remembered the previous year. But she didn't want to be thinking sad thoughts right now. She wanted to be in the here and now with Sirius holding her. Before she knew what was happening he had lifted her up and had wrapped her legs around his waist. "Now how about we make some better memories?" He said with a grin.

"Reading minds another habit of yours?" she said shyly.

"Reading you more like it!" He murmured before taking her lips with is.

Hermione could hardly breathe as he walked them back to the sofa before collapsing onto it. Now that he was sitting she found herself straddling him. Heat flushed quickly up to her cheeks. Looking as if he was about to speak she cut him off with another kiss, this time making sure it was long enough to take _his_ breath away. Slowly but surely she became more comfortable. Pulling back to take a breath she laced her fingers through his hair as he began kissing up the column of her neck, nipping here and there until he hit that space behind her ear that seemed to send tingles throughout her entire body.

"Oh my God..." she rasped as Sirius moved his mouth down to her covered breasts, his hands roaming up her thighs to grip her behind. She could feel herself panting as he pulled her closer. Sirius pulled her mouth back to his as his tongue resumed its previous task.

A few minutes later though Hermione felt him pull away. "'Mione sweetheart... you're gonna have to stop with the grinding unless you want me to throw you down right here!" he managed to rasp out with a pained smile. Stunned she moved back a little on his lap, and watched as Sirius tried to control his expression, which seemed to cross between pleasure, pain and frustration all at the same time. Looking down she quickly realised why.

Biting her bottom lip she stifled a laugh. "I'm sorry... guess I got a little carried away."

"Don't be sorry love. It wasn't that I didn't like it. It's that I liked it a little too much." His deep voice reverberated through her.

"Should we stop?" she asked quietly, not wanting to stop at all.

His hesitation was all she needed to move back to her previous position while nibbling his lower lip. The noise that erupted from deep in his throat made her own stomach drop from her body. She felt as if butterflies were going to come bursting out of her chest at any minute. Moving her hands down to his jeans she pulled at his belt buckle, unbuckling it in a few motions. Keeping Sirius occupied with her mouth however seemed to be an unfit plan. Before she could reach his fly he had his hands around hers and had pulled them up to his chest. "Not here alright?" He was struggling for words... and air, she noticed with amusement.

However before she could laugh she felt a wave of embarrassment wash over her. _Not here? What exactly did he think I wanted to do?_ Wriggling off his lap she carefully maneuvered herself to the other side of the sofa. "Sirius I didn't want to..." she trailed off feeling the blush rising again.

Seeing the change in her straight away Sirius took her hands in his again. Bending his head to catch her gaze he asked "Didn't want to what hun?"

Hermione took a deep breath before meeting those grey eyes. "I didn't want to have sex right here if that's what you were thinking." she said. "I um... I'm not ready for that and me unbuckling your jeans... that's not what I had in mind..." she said in a rush. In fact she had no idea what she had had in mind.

Once again Sirius had to remind himself that this girl was full of surprises. "Hermione I know that you're not ready for that. And I didn't mean that when I said not here. I just didn't want anyone walking in on us with my pants around my ankles. Even if you managed to jump to other side of the room the pants would be hard to explain."

Shaking her head slightly she pushed curls back from her face. "You're right! I don't even know why I -" Taking another breath she continued. "Never mind. Do you wanna go somewhere? Out I mean?" _Maybe moving at a different pace would make things easier._

"Yeah let's go out. I've got something I want you to see." Sirius replied with a grin. Pecking her on the forehead he got up and raced towards the door. "Ready in five okay?"

Hermione nodded with a smile before racing up to her room for a jacket. If she knew Sirius at all she knew they'd be taking the bike.

~ o ~ o ~ o ~ o ~ o ~

"Where are we?" She was literally breathless. Having your arms wrapped around such an attractive man straddling a motorcycle for the better half of an hour can do that too a girl!

They were obviously still in London. Of that she was certain… but after all the sharp turns and magical wards they'd passed she had absolutely no idea where he'd brought her. "This… is where I come when I'm not up drinking tea with you." Then pulling her into his arms, he spun them in a quick circle and in the next moment she found herself staring at the sun's reflection on an enormous lake.

"It's breathtaking Sirius." She whispered. "You apparated us here?"

"Mmm hmm… I come here almost every day… to talk to James."

Her head snapped up at the mention of his long dead best friend. "What?"

"James. I come here to talk to him."

"Sirius, James is dead." Hermione thought she knew where this was leading and she didn't want to head down that road. She wasn't ready to head down that road.

"Okay I guess you could say that I talk _at _him. He doesn't exactly reply." Sirius replied with a grin.

"My parents are dead. No amount of talking to myself is going to change that-"

"-Hermione…"

The tears were gathering at the corners of her eyes. "No I don't want to. Don't make me."

"Hermione it's not what you think." With that he let go of her hand and walked towards the water's edge. Lifting his wand to his temple he withdrew a strand of memory, letting it fall into the lake. Within a second the water shimmered and a luminous shape began to take form beneath the surface. Hermione could do nothing but stare at Sirius who continued to stand gazing into the glowing watery depths. He turned back towards her. "Come here." Sensing her fear he reached his hand out to her slowly. "Trust me sweetheart."

If it had been in any other moment or anyone else she would have run in the opposite direction. But it was Sirius… who at this point was sitting at the very top of her trust list. Taking a tentative step forward she moved into his embrace, turning to face the water. She could see a group of figures moving together, acting out some kind of scene… or memory she guessed. Then with a flick of his wand Sirius began to draw one out in particular… A man began to rise from the water and was soon standing eye to eye with the two of them.

It never ceased to shock Hermione how much James looked like Harry. The way he slouched his shoulders, the tilt of his chin… the glasses. It was eery to say the least. "Prongs… meet Hermione… the woman I've been gushing about for the last week." Sirius said with a laugh. And then the most shocking thing of all occurred. James Potter turned to look straight at her and smiled, as if he understood.

There was something about this place, something she was missing. "What is this place?"

Sirius stared down at her, his eyes both joyful and sad at the same time. "This place is where I come… where only some can come… to see those that have been lost to us."

"When you say you…? I couldn't have come here alone could I?"

"No sweetheart you couldn't."

The answer began to form in her head, too crazy to be real. "The water - Under the water…"

"Yes." He said, seeing the wheels turning in her head. "It's the other side of The Veil".


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: ** Nope, Harry Potter still doesn't belong to me… sigh!

Well the lemon that I'm sure you've all been waiting for has arrived… but I warn you that it's brief. There'll be more to come later don't worry! This chapter moves quite quickly and it might seem a little rushed but I really thought it was time that we got back to the present. Reviews everyone! I've got the next chapter to upload but I need to know your thoughts before I put it up. Hope you like it!

**Chapter Five:**

"How did you know that you could bring me with you?" she asked.

"I didn't, but I figured we'd give it a shot. I wanted you to see this… to know that there is something after - after they die." He said squeezing her softly.

"Harry looks so much like him." At this James' head snapped up to look directly at her again, and it was obvious what he wanted to hear. "He looks so much like you. He's a good man… so brave and honest." Staring at him was like staring at a million lost hopes all at once. Her heart felt as if it was breaking, as the emotions played across the dead man's face. _Joy, sadness, pride._ All of a sudden it was too much. "Sirius I understand why you brought me here and I'm grateful, but I need to leave now."

Pulling his wand from his sleeve, he flicked it towards James and the water began to turn dark again as her best friend's father was once again enveloped by the lake. "We don't need to leave for them to disappear Mi. Are you alright?" It was only when he began rubbing her arms that she realised how much she was shaking.

"Why haven't you ever brought Harry here to see them?"

He took a deep breath before replying. "Because I know that Harry isn't ready to see them like this. At the moment he's in a good place with his loss, and it isn't the time to bring up the dead with him… not when he has to keep strong."

"That's a big choice to make on his behalf."

"It's not just my choice. I know that James wouldn't appear for him right now either." Sensing her unease he hugged her tighter. "Was this a mistake?"

"No, no. It's meant more than you know. It's just a lot to take in." She said burying herself further into the warmth of his hold.

"Let's get you home." The world spun once more as they reappeared in the streets of London. "Are you right to ride back, or do you want me to apparate you home?"

"Of course I want to ride back with you." _God that smile is going to kill me!_

The afternoon was turning dark as they parked the bike in the alley beside Grimmauld. Something had shifted between them. Sirius had shared something incredibly personal with her and it was almost as if he were trying to gauge if it was the right decision or not… he sat on the seat of the bike in the shadow of the daunting house. She had to make sure that he knew how she felt. Pulling him towards her by his jacket she covered his lips with hers, slipping her tongue easily into his parting mouth. He held her against him roughly and she pulled him even closer if it were even possible. Taking control she took his face in her hands and slowly eased away from his lips, placing soft kisses just to the side of his mouth and across his cheeks until she reached his eyes. Then looking directly at him she spoke. "What you gave me today… trusting me like that. I'll never tell a soul. Thank you Sirius." She lost track of how long they remained like that, foreheads touching, just staring at each other… not knowing what all those feelings meant. She wasn't sure she'd ever be ready to know.

~ o ~ o ~ o ~ o ~ o ~

Days began to turn quickly into weeks and the end of the summer was approaching quickly. Hermione felt herself coming back together piece by piece… and so much of that was _him. _ Every private minute that could be snatched was. With each day she grew more and more enraptured with him. Sirius was so different to how she had always viewed him from afar. He was soft and gentle with her, but could be stern and unmoving at the same time. Merlin she was obsessed! She wanted more and more from him, and once she had it, it was never enough. Then before either of them was aware, the summer was over and it was their last night together.

"I can't believe that this is it." Hermione said with a sigh. She sat down on the sofa next to him, placing their mugs of tea on the coffee table beside them. "You realise that this is where it all started… you me and the tea."

The look on his face was both pained and predatory at the same time. Each of them was aching at the thought of what tomorrow would bring. Reaching for her, he pulled her onto his lap. "It started a long time before that love." His voice was husky as he began kissing up and down her neck. They were in the library. Everyone else had gone to bed an hour or so before. In fact they thought that she had also gone to bed.

"Sirius…" She couldn't stop his name leaving her lips as his mouth started traveling further and further down her chest. Somehow he'd managed to unbutton her shirt and was easily flicking the clasp of her bra open. "Oh my God!" His mouth was on her breast and it was as if time had stopped altogether. They'd never gone this far before… and it wasn't for her lack of trying. He just always stopped before they could get any further. But tonight was the last night they had together before she'd be back at Christmas, and she'd die before she let him say no tonight.

His lips came back up to meet hers and she felt her hips rocking against his. "Hermione… what am I going to do when you leave?" The sadness in his voice broke her heart and she felt tears forming behind her eyelids. "Time's gone too quickly…"

"I don't want to go." Her arms tightened around him and she couldn't help but shiver as his shirt touched her bare breasts. She could feel the hardness of him beneath her. "Sirius… take me to your room."

"What?" He pulled back to look into her eyes. She could tell that he was reading her.

She felt the strength behind her voice. "This is our last night together. No don't-" she sad placing her fingers on his lips when he tried to interrupt. "This is it Sirius… and I want to spend it with you. I want to be with you in every sense of the word… so take me to your room, and take me to bed."

There was a silence. The seconds ticked away and the absence of sound stretched for what to Hermione felt like an age. Then Sirius was lifting her in his arms and with a quick turn he'd apparated them to his darkened room. He flicked his hand and the heard the door lock click. Then he grinned right at her and she felt her stomach drop in anticipation. _This is it!_

"Do you know how long I've held myself back from having you… the amount of times I've wanted to take you right in that library."

She was out of breath as he moved the two of them back towards his bed. "But you always pulled back…"

"You needed to be sure." He whispered.

Then there was no more talking… just touching. And Merlin did he do it well! He was slow to undress her, taking in every inch of her body first with his eyes and then with his lips. She felt herself cry out and hoped he'd used a silencing charm on the room. She'd never felt as close to somebody, both physically and emotionally as she did the moment he slid inside her. The pain was incredible… but exhilarating. She'd like to imagine that the discomfort dissipated and she climaxed like never before… isn't that the way it happened in all those romance books? In reality, having sex with Sirius hurt almost the entire time. But she embraced it, embraced him and what she was giving him. He didn't stop kissing her, even when she felt him stiffen and release, his lips remained firmly attached to hers. She felt him pull out of her quickly and was relieved that he hadn't come inside her. Contraception hadn't exactly been at the forefront of her mind when they'd started.

Both of them were panting heavily, just staring at each other. Looking into those grey eyes he ran his fingertips down the side of her cheek. In that moment she knew… and she wasn't afraid anymore. "I love you." She whispered, staring right at him. He didn't need to say anything. It was all there in that stare. Then he rolled off her and pulled her flush against his chest. "Thank you." He whispered to her in the dark. His breathing eventually evened out. Hermione could feel his chest gently heaving against her own. Her eyelids became heavy and she pushed further into his arms, feeling herself drifting into dreams.


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Harry Potter.

Eeek! So how did everyone like the last chapter? The next two chapters are full of drama so I hope you love reading them as much as I loved writing them!

**Chapter Six. **

Hermione woke a few hours later to find an empty space next to her. Drawing the covers around her she slowly sat up. Sirius was across the room staring out the window, one arm resting against the window frame above his head. The moonlight was brushing against his bare chest as he stood completely still. He could have been a statue. Hermione sat staring at him for what seemed like an eternity before she finally spoke, unable to hold in her longing to touch him again. To feel his arms tight around her.

"Hey" she whispered. He shifted his stance slightly but remained staring out the window. A few seconds passed before she once again tried to gain his attention. "Are you coming back to bed?"

Sirius sighed, slowing turning to face her. "Hermione..." he began, looking up to meet her eyes. "This was a mistake."

Those four words said everything. She felt something she couldn't quite put her finger on creep up her body… shame. Not shame for what they had shared, but shame for being such a fool. For holding her heart out to the one person she should have known better than to trust it with. Sirius was still talking but she couldn't make out any of his words. Everything was becoming blurry. That is until he hit her with the next blow.

"We crossed a line Hermione." There was so much disappointment in his voice.

Confused, Hermione shook her head slowly. "What... what line? When the hell did we discuss any lines?"

"I wouldn't have... this wouldn't have" he cried gesturing between the two of them with his arms "...happened". "What was I _thinking_?" he said turning away from her, only to walk back towards the bed yelling "Why did you have to say it!"

Hermione could tell that he was mad but wasn't exactly sure about what and whether it was at her or himself. "Sirius stop!" she interrupted. "What on earth has gotten into you?" she whispered, her voice cracking slightly. "One minute we're in bed and the next you're yelling at me like I'm a psychic and know how to answer your unasked questions. Unless you tell me what you're talking about I can't - "

"- You said you love me Hermione… that you're _in love _with me." His words caused her to stop mid-sentence.

She felt as if all of the wind had been knocked out of her. "I didn't realise - I mean...?"

"Hermione I'm not an idiot. I know what this means. I've been with a lot of women." She just nodded dumbly. "I thought that last night was going to be a little fun - just something between two friends who were feeling down... then I find out that this is something so much more to you and now there is all this emotional shit that comes with it" he sighed. "Don't you see? I can't be that guy for you Mi. It's not who I am."

She sat for a few minutes without saying anything. He moved back to the window brushing his hands over his head. Eventually she leaned over the side of the bed to pick up her nightgown. She was feeling slightly numb from his sudden outburst. "So what you're saying is that you can't be the Sirius who I've come to know over the summer? That all of this was just some big act?" Her anger was building as she pulled her nightgown over her head. "Because you know Sirius, that's who I slept with last night... not this stranger standing in front of me. I don't know who the hell that is and I sure as hell wouldn't have given my virginity to them."

"Hermione I - " Sirius began.

"No Sirius just stop! That is enough! Tears were falling freely down her face as she stood from the bed. "Do you know why this happened?" she asked gesturing between the two of them and the bed. "Why I was ready to give you something I've held so close for so long? Last night, with you, was the safest I've ever felt." Sobs were drawing her breath quickly. "God to say that now sounds ridiculous. I guess it's just the emotional shit that comes with it right? Ho...how... could you? I t...trusted you and you throw it back in my face."

She turned to run for the door but he caught her around the waist and spun her towards him. "It wasn't an act Hermione. That's not how it was. You took my words the wrong way -" But she was struggling too much for Sirius to finish.

"Let go of me!" Hermione screamed in his face. He released his grip on her arms. "Don't you _ever_ touch me again Sirius Black! Ever!" And with that she swept from the room slamming the door behind her. Never had she felt so betrayed... so hurt. Nothing could compare to the pain she felt deep in her chest.

The following morning she packed her trunk and made her way to the train station along with everyone else. She had been completely humiliated. As she had expected, Sirius did not make an appearance, not even to see Harry off. It was over…

~ o ~ o ~ o ~ o ~ o ~

_Hogwarts: November_

"Hermione... Hermione!"

"Huh?" Hermione looked up from her breakfast. "Sorry. What were you saying?"

Ron looked at his friend. She had been acting strangely ever since they had returned to Hogwarts. Everyone was beginning to notice. "I was just asking if you could help me with the end of my charms essay."

She could vaguely remember the assignment. Paying attention in class the past few weeks had been a little difficult. "Um... I can't Ron. I need to finish my own."

"WHAT?" Harry and Ron both shouted at the same time. Harry and Ron shared a worried glance before they turned back to their best friend.

"Since when did you not complete your homework assignments Mi?" Harry asked gently. "Are you... ok? I mean I know the summer was hard and we would all understand if you needed some more time. We did think you were moving on, but if you need to get away you know you can always go back to Grimmau-"

"NO!" Hermione shouted unexpectedly, taking most of the Griffindor table by surprise. Lowering her voice she continued "...what I mean is Harry... look I'm fine. Thank you for the offer but really I just need some time to adjust ok?" She pulled her lips up into a soft smile. She wanted to reassure him. _What was wrong with her? Why couldn't she just move on. He wasn't who she thought he was. It's OVER!_

Harry relaxed slightly when she smiled at him. Even if it wasn't that natural... it was a start. Throwing an arm over her shoulder he turned to Ron. "How about we all go down to visit Hagrid? We haven't seen him in forever."

Hermione moved into her friend's embrace. "Sounds like a plan to me!" she said grabbing Ron's hand as she and Harry began moving towards the Entrance Hall.

~ o ~ o ~ o ~ o ~ o ~

How long does it take to put your heart back together? To feel whole again? Not to feel broken anymore... that was what Hermione wanted. Not to feel as if her very soul had been ripped from her body. She kept seeing his face. As much as she didn't want to, it was always there. His furrowed brow, his eyes, his lips. She could see it all and all she wanted was to be blind. To never see him again.

"Miss Granger?"

_Did someone say something? _"Miss Granger? Did you hear me?"

Professor McGonagall was staring straight at her, a frown planted firmly on her face. "I'm sorry Professor. I - I didn't..." Hermione stuttered. She hadn't been listening to a word her teacher was saying for the entire lesson. Maybe even the entire term.

"See me after class please Hermione." McGonagall said sharply before turning back to her desk, continuing with her lecture.

_Great! This was exactly what she didn't need today. Not on top of being ill. She hadn't been able to eat anything for 2 days - anything she'd put in her mouth, she'd brought straight back up. She'd have to remember to go to the hospital wing later this afternoon. To be honest she hadn't even considered going before that very second. Her vomiting had just been a result of her broken heart - or so she'd thought. _

Whatever she had been expecting from her head of house after class - it wasn't this. "Hermione are you alright dear?"

"Professor?" Hermione questioned.

"We all know that you went through quite an ordeal this past summer. Loosing one's parents is very hard. But you have to start taking better care of yourself. You look a fright and I'm quite sure that you haven't taken a single thing in that I've said this term."

Hermione didn't know what to say. She knew that she hadn't been herself lately, but was it that obvious? Could they tell just by looking at her? She supposed that she had lost a bit of weight lately. But she'd been sick... she'd been heartbroken. Why couldn't they just leave her alone? Why couldn't they let her get on with her life her way?

"When we agreed to bring you back to school I was under the impression from the Order that you were doing well. But after your behaviour since our return I'm not sure that you being here is what is for the best. Perhaps you could-"

"Professor McGonagall I am fine where I am" Hermione spoke firmly. _They wanted to send her away from Hogwarts. The only home she had left. _ She was livid. "I realise that my recent behaviour has been a bit strange - but I thought that you would have understood that I am still grieving for the losses I suffered during the summer. I will get better Professor, and I will do it my own way. I do not need your concern. Nor do I need to be sent away from Hogwarts."

"Hermione, I do understand. I would never send you from Hogwarts. I realise that this is your home now." Professor McGonagall said, quite taken aback by the young girl's outburst.

Hermione showed her understanding with a quick nod of her head. "If you'll excuse me Professor I'm feeling unwell." Beginning to walk to the door she was loosing her nerve. She had never spoken like that to a professor. A voice called out to her as she reached the exit.

"Hermione, I'm always here for you. Whatever the problem is."

Tears began leaking from her eyes as she left the classroom. _If only it were that simple. She could just tell someone her problems and they could take away the pain._ Little did she know that her problems were going to get a lot more complicated.


	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer: **Nope I still don't own Harry Potter!

Sorry for the delay in updates. I've been a busy woman, but I'm back in writing mode so look forward to a lot more updates! Don't forget to review it if you like it… or even if you don't!

**Chapter Seven. **

"Excuse m-me?" She stuttered looking at Madam Pomfrey. "What did you just say?"

"I said that you are about two and a half months along. You're pregnant dear." the older woman said solemnly.

Everything around her seemed to swim in mid air. Then everything went black. It was only a moment of peace however, before she was brought sharply back to reality. Nodding her head she counted back the dates... the missed periods... the vomiting that she thought was only sadness. She had missed the most obvious answer - the worst answer she could have come up with.

"There are things that we can do Hermione. But you would-"

"No. I um - I don't want anything like that." Brought up as a Catholic before attending Hogwarts she knew that her parents would not have wanted that. Her mind was still trying to reel in everything that was being said. First things first. "Do you have to tell anyone Madam Pomfrey?"

"Well technically I do." She could see the older woman's concern for her. "But perhaps I could give you a little time. For you to tell the father?" she says quietly.

The words were out of Hermione's mouth before she could stop herself. "There is no father."

"Dear if something has happened to you-"

"-NO! Nothing like that!" Hermione said. "I just- I don't- I can't... not until I figure things out." she said not believing a word coming from her own mouth. How could she tell Sirius about this? She would never bring herself down to that! "What I mean is" she stated, gaining control of her voice "that if this could stay between the two of us it would be much appreciated. I know that you are technically supposed to inform certain staff members but I would rather keep this under wraps for as long as possible... Please. Please do this for me!"

The older woman took in the frightened woman in front of her. There had been these sorts of situations before but this was different. This was Hermione Granger. She owed a lot to this girl and her friends. "Alright. You have my word Miss Granger. I'll not say a word until I hear otherwise from you."

"Thank you." Hermione said quietly.

Just before she reached the door however she heard the matron's voice once more. "A piece of advice. Do not leave it too long. Secrets like these are harder to hide than you think."

~ o ~ o ~ o ~ o ~ o ~

Upside down. That is the only way to describe Hermione Granger's life at this precise moment. Everything that she had worked for over the years - every award, every victory, every battle was for nothing. What she had once thought was so close now seemed like some sort of joke. How was she supposed to continue on with her life when someone throws this kind of a spanner in the works. _A baby!_ She could not handle a baby! OWLS yes. NEWTS yes. Death Eaters and Voldemort yes... but a _baby_... no.

She was supposed to have a career. A future finally. She was supposed to get over this heartbreak and forget about the man who had split it in two. How the hell was she meant to do that now? Curling herself into a ball on her bed she began to speak to herself out loud.

"If I'm practical about this I'll be able to figure something out. I can work this mess out. I can figure this out. I will figure this out!"

Thoughts began to crowd her head. _Nobody can know about this... Sirius can't know about this! What would he think? Would he be angry? Would he even care? Probably not! _

Refusing to let herself cry she levitated a quill towards her and began to do what she did best... find the answer. For now she was safe... nobody knew. She was positive that she could convince Madame Pomfrey to keep her secret for at least another month. Maybe more if she played her cards right. She wasn't showing yet. And truthfully she didn't know when she would be... but she guessed she could probably hide the bump until she was around 5 months. That gave her until the end of January. By that point she would have decided what to do with the child. Because honestly, right now she had no possible idea what she was going to do. But there was one thing that she was certain of - she was going to have to pick up her act in class. Whatever she decided to do, she knew that there was more than just her future counting on her grades now.

~ o ~ o ~ o ~ o ~ o ~

"Professor?" It was the first time that they had talked since her outburst at her head of house.

Professor McGonagall looked up to face Hermione. "Yes Hermione?" Her voice was soft and she expected that the older woman knew what was coming.

It was a struggle to find the right words however. "I wanted to apologise about the other day. I had no right to speak to you in that manner." Her voice was strained but she knew that she had to get this out. "I've just been... It's just that..."

She was saved the explanation. "I understand Hermione. People heal differently and you're wounds may take more time. I should not have pushed you."

Hermione nodded her head to show that she acknowledged the inferred apology. "I also wanted you to know that you will not have to speak to me again about my work. I have thought long and hard about what is important to me. My work will not suffer again."

"Are you still planning on becoming a healer?" Professor McGonagall asked.

There was a slight pause before Hermione answered. Of course she had intended to become a healer. But that was before her parents died. Before she slept with Sirius. Before she discovered she was pregnant. But keeping up appearances was key to her plan. "Yes Professor." she said.

The Professor stared at her for a while before continuing. "It is the right path for you Hermione. You more than proved your ability during the war. You're an incredibly talented witch and you will be a brilliant healer!" Hermione's heart contracted a little at the depth of the older woman's words.

"Thank you Professor... for everything." She said before leaving the classroom. Once out in the hall she took a deep breath before walking down to lunch. Eating was something she was going to have to be doing a lot more of too.

~ o ~ o ~ o ~ o ~ o ~

The Great Hall was just as crazy as usual… breakfast was always a little hectic, but the pull of a warm breakfast was a must in the winter months. Almost a month had passed since Hermione had found out she was pregnant. It was as if she was living in some sort of a bubble. Her mind was constantly on the little person growing inside her. Although she was focusing on her schoolwork again, there was still the constant feeling that she was free falling… completely out of control. Sometimes it was as if she were looking at her life from afar, as the girl keeping it all under control.

"Hermione?"

"Mmm?" she murmured to her green-eyed friend, not really paying attention as she munched on some dry toast.

"You're coming to Grimmauld for Christmas right?" asked Harry, his tone more of a statement than a question.

"Um... no I thought um... well I haven't really thought about it yet actually." Hermione replied truthfully.

"What's to think about?" said Ron, pulling a plate of bacon towards him. "We always spend Christmas together."

_How was she supposed to explain that she didn't want to go... she'd always gone in the past. If she turned down the invitation they would know that something was wrong for sure. But she had no other choice. She _couldn't _go back to that place... back to him._

"Well maybe I could stay here at Hogwarts. I mean this is our last year and everything... We probably won't get the chance to spend Christmas here again." She was grasping at straws and the expressions on her friends faces told her that they weren't buying her excuses.

"Do you not want to spend Christmas with us Hermione?" said Ginny with a somewhat confused expression on her face.

"No... I..." she began.

"I wouldn't be bloody surprised." mumbled Ron under his breath.

Harry shot his friend a warning glance before turning back to Hermione. The last thing he wanted was for Ron to send her off into another of her silences. They were all becoming increasingly worried about her as the days passed and her depression deepened. "'Mione you can't spend Christmas here, all by yourself. I know it might be a little strange... you know the first holiday without your parents, and I understand that it'll be hard but-"

"We're not leaving you here." finished Ron.

Hermione opened her mouth to retort that her apprehension had nothing to do with her late parents but Ginny got in first with the final blow. "Basically if you keep making ridiculous excuses we'll simply inform Mum and she will handle it."

The last thing that Hermione wanted was a suspicious Mrs. Weasley. They had her trapped. She would have to go. "Alright." she conceded. "I'll come." Turning her attention back to her breakfast Hermione tried to focus on anything other than the fact that she would be spending Christmas - the entire holiday - with the one person she had vowed to never see again. Her emotions were so varied, she didn't know which one to deal with first. Anger? Fear? Pain? Nerves?

~ o ~ o ~ o ~ o ~ o ~

Trying to make the best of a bad (that was the understatement of the century) situation, Hermione tried to think of all of the upsides the holidays offered. Flicking her wand towards her dresser her clothes began to neatly fold themselves and float into her awaiting duffle bag.

She really didn't have a choice in the matter at hand. She HAD to go. They were making her. Besides with her parents gone and no one staying at school what choice did she have? If she was careful enough, she might be able to avoid Sirius altogether, except of course at obligatory functions, and when they arrived, and when they left, and some of the meals, and on the off chance that she would see him in the halls. Oh who was she kidding? He'd be there ALL THE TIME! But she would have to try her best to avoid any conversation or confrontation of any kind. She was Hermione Granger, Head Girl no less... it could be done.

Besides if she kept to herself, and kept up appearances _maybe, just maybe_ people would leave her alone for a while. In the worst case scenario, at least the time off would buy her some time to figure out a plan of action - the first point of which involved figuring out what to tell people when she could no longer hide her baby belly anymore. She only hoped that it wouldn't be too painful or awkward.

REVIEW! PLEASE!


	8. Chapter 8

**Disclaimer: **Harry Potter doesn't belong to me!

Christmas is here everyone! Tension… I think it's about time we hit some revelations… stay tuned for the next chapter!

**Chapter Eight. **

The school day was going too quickly... in fact everything was going too quickly... she was getting closer to Grimmauld place, her own personal hell, much faster than she would have liked. "Relax!" she told herself "Just relax."

"What?" asked Ron as he turned towards a mumbling Hermione.

"Huh? Oh nothing... ignore me. I'm going over some spells that I haven't quite mastered." she answered absently. She'd become quite skilled at this actually... the absent, empty responses. She had a whole stock-pile of them ready for times just like these. And there had been plenty of opportunities to use them since the summer.

Ron gave her a bit of an odd look. "Do you want to go next then?" he asked her, indicating the fireplace they were now standing in front of. _Yes the day had gone completely too fast!_

"Um actually... no... you go... I'll go after you. I'm trying to put off the floo for as long as possible." she said, only half joking.

"Alright then... See you on the other side." said Ron with a shrug.

That was it. They were all gone. She was alone. She stood there for a few minutes savouring the feeling - that relaxed _everything is OK_ feeling. She knew it would be the last time she would feel like this for at least the next two weeks. This was going to be hard... who had she been kidding. Summoning all of her strength she took a step into the fireplace - it was now or never. It was time to face her fears.

~ o ~ o ~ o ~ o ~ o ~

"Harry!" Sirius yelled, pulling his godson into a hug, and ruffling his hair.

"Gerroffff" he laughed as he tried to pull away from Sirius' hug.

"So what's new? Hogwarts, Malfoy... girls - I want to hear all the news? I haven't had any decent company in months." Sirius said. Lupin's head shot up with the last comment.

"What the hell am I then?" Lupin complained, laughing.

"Oh Moony... you know what I mean." Sirius replied with a grin.

"Let's have some lunch then, shall we?" said Mrs Weasley, finally letting go of her two children. "The twins are around somewhere and they'll be wanting to know that you've all arrived."

"Why? Do they need test subjects or something?" Ron asked, grimacing.

"Ronald Wea-" Mrs Weasley began.

"Wait! Where's Hermione?" asked Harry. He'd only just noticed that she hadn't yet arrived.

"Said she was coming right behind me." Ron said. With this comment all eyes turned to the fireplace, and it was at that exact moment that a very tired looking young woman came flying out of the flames, sprawling herself on the floor.

~ o ~ o ~ o ~ o ~ o ~

To say that he was shocked by her appearance was an understatement. He hadn't really expected her to come... then again where else would she be going? Her family was gone and he was pretty sure that Harry and Ron would not have let her spend the holidays alone. Mind you, sprawled out in front of the fireplace, it looked like she wanted nothing more than to be rid of everyone's company.

Getting to her feet, she seemed to shake herself off a bit. If he wasn't mistaken she'd put on a bit of weight since the summer. _Good _he thought. _She must be doing better since her parent's deaths... and everything._ At least this was his initial thought. But looking into her eyes as she greeted and hugged everyone in the room, he could see that she didn't seem so _healed._ He felt his chest clench at the thought that she was still suffering. _No! Stop! _The obsession with her had to stop. She was staying in his house as his godson's guest, his best friend. But he couldn't help but feel a little hurt when she practically ignored his presence on her way through to the kitchen, giving him only a nod of her head, as she passed - and he was sure that that gesture was only to keep the others from asking too many questions. _Christmas was going to be fabulous! _He grimly thought to himself.

"If you keep staring at her like that your eyes are likely to explode." Remus said with a warning tone.

Sirius jumped, unaware of his friend's observations. "Like what? I'm not staring at her like anything."

"Are you kidding? You haven't taken your eyes off her since we sat down to lunch."

"Hmph." Sirius huffed

"I wouldn't have bloody said anything. Whatever's going on is your business... but I'm not the only one to notice. Molly's keeping an eye on you." Remus finished.

"Remus I don't know what you're talking about. I'm going out... be back later..." he trailed off, trying not to look at the young woman at the other end of the table as he left.

_Had it really been that obvious? Would he have called it staring... his eyes were practically eating her alive. It was as if he was trying to fit as much of her image as he could into his mind - after all he didn't know if he'd be seeing it all too regularly, considering their _relationship_. But there was something different about her, he just couldn't put his finger on it. She was holding herself differently - slightly bent over almost. It was as if she was protecting herself from something..._

He was almost out the front door when he heard someone emerging from the kitchen. Pulling his cloak around his shoulders, he turned to see Hermione enter the hallway. Her eyes met his for a brief second. His mouth was dry. He longed to say something... anything that would make things... the way they were.

"Hermione!" He was saying her name before he was sure what he was actually going to say. "I - um... are you..."

"I'm on my way to the bathroom." she said as she turned and made her way up the stairs.

_I'm on my way to the bathroom?_ _That's it? That's all she had to say? I'm on my way to the bathroom? Then again what had he been expecting... it's not as if one word... any word in fact, was going to change how she felt about him. And at this point in time he was pretty sure that the only emotion she felt towards him was loathing - and if he was honest with himself... he deserved it. She was obviously determined to stay as far away from him as possible, and he had no desire to mess with her plans. It would only complicate things. _With that as his last thought he stepped out onto the front step and apparated away.

~ o ~ o ~ o ~ o ~ o ~

Hermione's heart was pounding. There he was, standing in the hall, his cloak in his hands. _Breathe!_ she told herself. All she had to do was make it upstairs without him noticing her pass. _But he would have heard the kitchen door. No... just walk. _At that point her thoughts all went to hell as he turned and looked straight at her. She tore her gaze away and kept moving. Then all of a sudden he was speaking, calling her name. _ No! No! No!_ He was stammering now. This was her chance. "I'm on my way to the bathroom." she mumbled, before fleeing up the stairs and into her room. She locked the door behind her and stood against it, he breaths coming quickly.

_So much for ignoring him._ _What on earth had made him say her name... speak to her?_ She was pretty sure that their last encounter had left him with a clear indication of how she felt about him (even if she wasn't so sure herself). She slid to the floor in one fluid motion, her hand balanced on her stomach. _What am I going to do?_

That was the last time she saw Sirius until Christmas morning. Somehow he had managed to stay as far away from her as possible, and for that she was grateful. But she knew that she wouldn't be so lucky on the most important day of the holidays. "Morning 'Mione" someone yelled into her ear "Get up! It's Christmas!"

"Hey shouldn't you be waking us up? That's usually the way it goes." She recognised Harry's voice.

'Argh! Leave me 'lone" she grumbled into the pillows. Suddenly, in one swift motion her blankets were ripped off her. "Ron!" she yelled. The cool morning air brought her knees up towards her chest reflexively, shielding her small tummy from their view. Slowly she sighed. _There was no way they were going to let her go back to bed._ "Okay... Okay... I'm up. I'll even get dressed once you leave the room"

The boys looked at each other, satisfied with success. "'kay" said Ron "See you down there."

Once she was sure they were gone she slowly rolled over, stretching out on her back. It felt so good to move after such a long night. She hadn't had a very peaceful sleep... nightmares were a frequent at the moment. She looked down to see her little bulge, giving it a quick pat before grabbing her clothes for the day. She got bigger everyday... and a little more attached to the little person inside her. She knew that with her small frame she wouldn't be able to hide it for much longer. But she was determined to keep this a secret for as long as possible. She hadn't quite yet figured out what she was going to tell people.

Grabbing a pair of loose jeans and a dark red sweatshirt from her bag, she quickly got dressed, pulling her hair into a messy ponytail. _It'll do!_ _Besides in a few minutes I'll have my new Weasley Jumper, if I get cold. _Surveying her reflection one last time she made her way out the door and straight into a hard yet familiar chest.

"Oh! Excuse me." Hermione mumbled looking at his shoulder. There was no way she was about to look up at his face. Before she could step away he grabbed her wrist.

"Wait." He rushed.

"No... I... I think we should get downstairs. Everyone - "

"Is this what its going to be like between us from now on? You can't even look at me" He interrupted.

"I can look at you Sirius. I just choose not to."

He sighed. "I know that the last time you were here things - "

_No! _She couldn't listen to his bullshit right now. " - Stop! I don't want to hear it okay? Just... don't. Let's go downstairs... for everyone's sake. In a few days the holidays will be over and we can go back to our own lives again. Until then... just... don't."


	9. Chapter 9

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Harry Potter.

It's time for some things to be revealed! Get ready for some drama! REVIEWS PLEASE!

**Chapter Nine. **

At least now he knew exactly how she was feeling. _She didn't want anything to do with him. As far as she was concerned... it never happened. If that was the case then why did he feel so wretched? Hadn't that been what he'd wanted - to forget it ever happened, to move forward? Who was he kidding? He'd never move on from her. She was the one, and he'd lost her... "thrown her away" - isn't that how she'd said it?_

It took all the strength he had to get through those next few hours. It was unbearable - not once did she look at him, yet he couldn't keep his eyes off her. She smiled politely at her new Weasley jumper and the _Wizard's Encyclopaedia_ that Harry had bought her. But he saw it... the facade. She was going through the motions, just like he was. _Well stuff that! _he thought to himself. He rose from his armchair signaling towards Remus.

"I'm going out alright?"

"What?... Sirius you can't leave. It's Christmas for Merlin's sake, Harry's here. What the bloody hell is going - ?" Lupin tried.

"- Look I just have to go! Don't ask me why. You wouldn't like the answer."

"I never like the answers." Lupin grumbled.

"Tell Harry I'll catch up with him later." With that he was gone. Out of the door and into the night air. That was exactly where he planned on staying for the next few nights. He needed to clear his head of everything Hermione. Somehow she had dragged him back under her spell and he needed to escape._ Besides she wanted nothing more to do with him right? So what the hell! He would do as he pleased and ignore her as much as she did him. Two could play at that game!_

So that's exactly how he played it - cool and distant! A little too cool. He didn't try to talk to her again. What was the point? He stayed as far away from her as he could. The next week was spent completely freezing her out. He was determined to rid her from his mind. And what better way to do that than go out and find someone to replace her with.

~ o ~ o ~ o ~ o ~ o ~

Morning sickness. Nothing Hermione had experienced (even with all that she had been through with Harry) compared to the torture of emptying her stomach continuously throughout the day. Whoever came up with the name was obviously an imbecile - it came at all times of day and night and had seemed to be a constant since the start of her pregnancy. The only thing that seemed to settle her stomach was tea with ginger root.

It was around 3am. She had just finished yet another visit to the toilet bowl. Feeling wretched and knowing that she wouldn't be able to sleep until she was comfortable she contemplated going downstairs for a cup of tea. _What were the chances of meeting anyone awake at this time of morning - nil. _She pulled her Christmas Weasley jumper on over her nightgown and strode out into the hall. _No sounds of anyone up and about - Thank Goodness. _ She was sure that she looked a fright. Reaching the end of the hall however, something caught her attention... a movement and some sound at the bottom of the stairs. there were people down there. A couple to be more exact. To say they were embracing was an understatement. He had her pinned against the wall, kissing that soft area of skin just under your ear. Hermione let out an involuntary gasp. Before she had time to return to her room without being caught, they turned to see where the sound had come from. She'd known who it was when she'd first seen them together, but seeing his face... his eyes on hers, made her insides twist.

Turning on the spot she strode silently back down the hall and into her room, not being able to hear Sirius' reply to the woman's question. She stood against the door for a long time just staring ahead and letting the tears fall down her face. _What was she going to do? How could you be in love with someone and hate them at the same time?_

~ o ~ o ~ o ~ o ~ o ~

"Big night?" Remus asked, staring at his obviously hung-over friend.

"You could say that..." Sirius said grimacing, as he looked up to see _The Golden Trio_ entering the kitchen for breakfast.

"Say what?" asked Harry.

Remus and Sirius both looked at each other and then at Harry. "Nothing Harry. I'm just a bit tired." said Sirius, looking at Hermione as she busied herself with the kettle.

"Up all night were you? I thought I heard noises come from upstairs last night" said Ron as Harry laughed. Hermione just rolled her eyes at her two friends as she sat down at the end of the table and spooned some ginger into her mug.

"Don't get me a cup or anything Mione." said Ron tartly.

"Get it yourself Ron... do I look like a house elf?" Hermione snapped at him.

The men in the room just gaped at her. _Hermione joking, even insulting house elves?_ Ron was the first to recover. "What the HELL is up with you?" he practically yelled "God one minute you're feigning happiness, the next your blowing your stack. Your mood swings are out of bloody control!"

"Excuse me?" Hermione snarled. She was not in the mood this morning for Ron's... for lack of a better word, shit!

"You heard me!" said Ron as Harry stood up.

"Hey come on guys... cool down." Harry started. "Ron - shut it! Hermione - Ron's being a tool."

"What?" Ron shouted. "It was you last night who was saying that something was definitely up with her. She hasn't been the same since the summer... we can all see it." Turning to Hermione he continued. "Quit being so... so... Merlin Hermione enough is enough. We've done everything we can think of - "

"Hmph... everything. I'll bet!" Sirius grumbled with a slight smirk.

Something in Hermione just snapped. He'd crossed the line. Pretending like nothing happened had been fine by her, but there was no way she was going to let him get away with snide remarks, especially in front of everyone. She turned her head sharply to look Sirius straight in the eye. "Well you'd know all about that wouldn't you?" His smug like face took on a somewhat pained expression, which was quickly replaced with one of anger.

"What?" said Ron who had been confused and thrown completely off track.

"Nothing." said Sirius to Ron "Hermione's just making some smart ass joke concerning myself and the woman that she saw me with last night" He turned back to Hermione. "What's wrong sweetheart? If you aren't getting any then no-one can?"

"Sirius!" Remus warned. Hermione felt as if she'd been punched in the stomach. Her eyes were full in seconds, bursting with tears. That wasn't the only thing that she was about to let loose though. Feeling the familiar sensation in her stomach and knowing that there was no way she would get to the bathroom in time, she ran to the sink just in time to bring up the mug of tea she had just drunk.

"Bloody Hell Hermione! What the fuck? Are you sick or something? That's like the seventh time that I've seen you vomit since we arrived. With this and your bloody moods, I'd think you were pregnant if I didn't know you any better." Harry tried to joke - without success.

Her head shot up way too quickly as she looked straight at Harry. The room was completely silent.

"Hermione?"

"Don't! Just... just leave me alone." she said straightening up and wiping her mouth with as much dignity as she could muster.

They all watched in silence as she left the room. No one said anything for what seemed like an eternity.

"It would explain a lot." said Remus.

"Hermione's not... she's not... I mean she... she doesn't...she doesn't even have a boyfriend for God's sake." Ron couldn't finish.

"She didn't deny it." said Harry. "But Ron's right. Hermione doesn't have anyone in her life that would fall into that category."

"That does not necessarily mean that..." Remus began.

"If someone hurt her... I'll kill them" Ron snarled.

"Look we don't know what's happened or if it's even true so don't go getting riled up just yet alright?" Remus said

"Well someone certainly needs to find out the truth." said Harry. "I'll go and try to calm her down, talk to her-"

"No!" Sirius said. "Let me go. I um... I snapped at her."

"But-" began Harry.

"Harry I'll handle it." Sirius said over the top of his godson's protests.

"Handle what?" Asked Molly as she strode into the room ready to prepare breakfast "What's going on?"

~ o ~ o ~ o ~ o ~ o ~

_Where was her wand?_ She needed to get moving _now._ Resigned to finding her wand after she'd packed she moved to the wardrobe and began throwing things into her bag. She had an arm full of robes when her bedroom door was flung open.

"Get out!" Hermione yelled "Now!"

Sirius stood staring at her, closing the door behind him with a thud.

"Is it true?" he asked, looking furious.

"Didn't you hear me? I said _leave._" Hermione screamed, throwing the robes into her open bag.

"Hermione if you think that I'm going anywhere before I get some answers then you are very much mistaken." Sirius stated firmly.

"Fine then. Stay. I'm leaving."

He grabbed her arms and brought her round to face him. "Is it true? Are you...?"

"WHAT Sirius what? Am I pregnant? What do you care if I am? Huh? What could poss-"

"How did this happen? Did someone hurt you Hermione?"

Hermione stared at him "Are you serious? _How did this happen?_ How do you think it happened Sirius... the usual way."

Sirius let go of her immediately, instantly cold "Who?"

"Who? Who what?" Hermione said angrily confused.

"Who did this to you? Whose baby is it Hermione?"

She didn't even stop to look at him as she grabbed her half packed bag from the bed. His question had said it all... what he thought of her. She now knew exactly who he was. She spotted her wand on the bedside table. Picking it up she made for the door that Sirius was currently blocking. "Get out of my way Sirius" she snarled.

"Not until I get an answer Hermione."

"I'm not afraid to Hex you... now move." warned Hermione as she raised her wand. But as she made to wipe the tears from her eyes her wand flew from her hand. _"How dare you disarm me... you... you..."_

"WHOSE IS IT HERMIONE? I demand to know." Sirius screamed.

Hermione flinched as she bent to pick up her wand from the floor, tears falling down her face. He knelt down in front of her and pulled her towards him so that she was inches from his face, sobbing. "Please Sirius... just don't... don't make me say it..." She couldn't stop the sobs that were wracking her body as she made to move away from him.

He only tightened his grip on her, shaking her slightly. "I... need to know who it is... I..." he tried to say, as his rage for the unnamed man continued to eat away at him.

Hermione raised her face to look him directly in the face. She wanted him to hear it... to understand it perfectly. "I've only ever been with one man in my life Sirius... last summer... the first and last time."

His face betrayed every emotion that he was feeling - realisation, shock, pain, guilt. Everything seemed to click into place at that exact moment. He didn't know what to say. He sat looking at the young woman in his hands... he had hurt her.

"Now please let go of me Sirius." she whispered. His hands fell to his sides as she stood. "I didn't want to say anything... you have to know that I... I don't expect anything from you. This doesn't change anything-"

"What? This changes everything!" Sirius said standing up.

She already had her hand on the door handle. Tears were streaming down her face as she turned to face him for the last time. "This is my child Sirius. I... I... This thing between us" she said gesturing between them "it's over." With that said she opened the door. There were at least ten people standing in front of her, shock written all over their faces. Well this was it - now everyone knew what she had been too afraid to face before now. Clutching her bag she made her way through the small crowd, leaving Sirius standing in her room.

"Hermione wait!" Harry yelled running after his best friend. "Wait! What does this mean?"

Hermione could hardly get the words out of her mouth. "L- Let go of me Harry. I- I n- need to b-be alone." she sobbed. Rushing through the front door, she apparated away as soon as she felt the wind on her face.


	10. Chapter 10

**Disclaimer: **Hmmm… Nope I still don't own Harry Potter!

Well since you've all been so lovely reviewing my last chapter, I'm uploading the next one. I hope you love it! Don't be too mad at Sirius. Yes he's being an idiot but give him a chance. Hehe enjoy! Review everyone! The more reviews, the faster the next chapter goes up.

**Chapter Ten. **

She'd made it back to Hogsmead in one piece. Slinging her bag over her shoulder she made her way up to the castle with as much speed as possible. Images kept flashing through her head - his face when he'd realised. Harry's face. Him calling after her as she fled. _Did everyone know now? What would they think of her? Would she be expelled? She had nowhere to go yet. She had counted on keeping this a secret long enough to come up with something. _By the time she reached the entrance hall she was practically running to her room. She needed to be alone - to sort everything out in her head. She dove straight onto her bed and placed her head firmly in the pillow where she tried to control her cries.

A few hours later there was a soft knock at her door. She was unsure whether to open it or not but then she heard a much longed for voice. "Hermione? It's Ginny. I'm coming in okay?"

Hermione sat up from her bed to see a slightly concerned looking redhead. "Mi? Are you alright hun?" she said placing an arm around her friend. That was all it took. Hermione was sobbing loudly into Ginny's shoulder. "Hey hey... it's alright. Everything is going to be fine." Ginny soothed.

"I'm so sorry" Hermione sobbed. "I should have said something earlier but I was so scared. What would everyone think? This isn't me Ginny. This wasn't meant to be my life." Hermione gripped on to Ginny a little tighter, burying her head even further into Ginny's shoulder.

Ginny pulled the other girl slightly away from her so that she could hear what she was about to say clearly. "Now listen here Hermione Granger." she said looking into her friend's frightened face "No one thinks badly of you, understand? I think everyone was just a little... surprised by everything that's all. We're going to sort this all out. You aren't alone anymore. Everyone is going to be there for you."

Hermione started to wipe away some of the tears. "You're a good friend Ginny... thank you." she said hiccuping softly "It's a relief to know that I have someone to confide in now."

"...Oh I don't think that's going to be a problem anymore" said Ginny slowly. "You see after your sudden departure everyone had a lot of questions... which were soon answered by mum's screams from the stairs. I guess you can imagine what ensued when Ron and Harry found out. Let's just say that it took both Lupin and Shacklebolt to pull Ron off... and that was before Harry got stuck into him."

"Harry hit Sirius?" Hermione jumped up shocked... appalled. "No Ginny. That's not right! Listen I knew exactly what I was doing. Sirius is Harry's Godfather - I shouldn't have come between them like this. No! NO!"

"Slow down Hermione. I didn't say Harry hit him. I mean he certainly wanted to but he didn't. He just laid into him verbally."

"Saying what?" Hermione asked, slightly shocked. Ginny looked a little uncomfortable. "What did he say Gin?"

"He said... well he said that Sirius shouldn't have tried it on with you. That you weren't some bar skank - you were different... special." Ginny looked at her friend. "Basically he said that Sirius didn't deserve you."

A long time passed before Hermione said anything. "It wasn't like that Ginny... how Harry said it made it sound as if he took advantage of me. As if he treated me like some girl he'd picked up in a pub." Hermione looked up at her friend. "It may have been like that after but... that night. It was different. He was different. I could see it in his eyes. We were both so damaged... and hurting, but over the Summer he had become everything to me. He helped me through my grief." She took a deep breath. "I fell in love with him Gin" she whispered looking up into her friend's caring face "... and for those few hours I thought he loved me back."

Ginny sat looking at the girl in front of her. She was heartbroken over Sirius Black. "Oh Hermione. The pain will go away you know. You'll find someone else and eventually you'll forget all about Sirius."

"That's just it Ginny. I won't. I'll have this constant reminder of him with me everyday." she said gesturing to her slightly rounded abdomen. "This baby isn't going anywhere, and I don't know if I'm ready to take all of this on right now."

"I know you. When you're determined you can do anything Mi - you've just gotta have some faith in yourself at the moment."

"But this is... this is... it's not a school assignment Gin. It's a life, that I'm gonna be responsible for. How am I supposed to handle that alone?" she asked letting the tears fall again.

"Your not!" came a voice from the doorway. "That's what we're here for."

Hermione looked up to see Harry and Ron standing inside her doorway. "I... I..." Hermione didn't know what to say.

Her face must have given away the surprise she felt at seeing the two people she had least expected to see at that moment. _But then again why wouldn't they be there? They were Harry and Ron, her best friends. They'd been through everything together so far, so why stop here?_

Ron moved over to sit on Hermione's other side. "We're gonna take care of you 'Mione. Harry and Gin and I... and the Order... we're all here for you."

Hermione practically _threw_ her arms around Ron. "Thank you." she whispered into his shoulder. Ginny smiled at her brother over Hermione's head. She knew that this was hard for him, which made her even prouder of the way he was supporting his friend. Not that long ago - before Hermione's world had fallen apart - most people had assumed that the two would wind up together. Knowing that she was in love with someone else would have been killing him inside.

"Don't go giving up on me now." said Ron with a smirk. "I never thought I'd see the day when you said you couldn't handle something."

"Yeah I know. It was a shock to me too... but I'm working on it." Hermione said with a hiccup. Ron gave her shoulders a gentle squeeze, trying to reassure her. She had always been the one in control. Knowing that something was happening to her that was out of her control - He couldn't imagine how hard that must be for her. He could kill Sirius for what he'd done.

Harry had not made any sounds or gestures other than to nod along with Ron's comments. Ginny made eye contact with her boyfriend. "Come on Ron. I think lunch will be ready by now". Ron took this as his cue to leave Harry and Hermione alone. He gave Hermione another hug before following his sister out the door.

Harry remained by the door. "He was my Godfather." he whispered.

"I'm so sorry Harry." Hermione whispered. Her heart contracted as she bore witness to the pain she had created. "I've been so selfish. Sirius and I... I never should have let it go as far as it did. I wasn't thinking about anyone but myself. I wasn't thinking about you and how-"

She stopped short when he raised his head, tears in his eyes. "Mi... stop. I understand. I know how you felt about him… feel about him. I just-" he paused to take a breath. "I'm so _angry_ with him. Look what he's done to you. And I don't mean the baby. I mean _you._ He's broken you in half for Merlin's sake. When I think about how you've been since the summer." He took in a deep breath and continued. "After your parents... you were doing alright... and then he... he breaks your heart to pieces, and leaves you with the feeling of loss once more." Harry's chest was heaving as he spoke. "I'll never forgive him for it."

With that Hermione crossed the room and wrapped her arms around her best friend. She hugged him as tight as she could. Eventually she pulled away looking him straight in the eye. "Yes you will Harry. You have to! For me!" Harry looked back at her like she'd gone insane. "Harry, listen to me. Yes he has handled things terribly... but what is happening is between the two of us. This should NOT affect your relationship with your godfather." Harry went to speak but Hermione spoke over the top of him. "I know it has! But I wish it hadn't. I regret it terribly. Please try to do this for me. Yes you can be mad at him, but eventually you have to forgive him... alright?"

Hermione felt her insides churning while she gauged Harry's reaction to her speech. She was telling the truth when she'd said that she regretted the rift she had made between the two men. But to be honest, it had hurt her more than she'd thought to tell her best friend to forgive the man who had broken her heart, when she herself couldn't. She was still staring at him when he spoke a minute later.

"I can't promise that my anger will fade... but I'll try."

"It will... thank you." she said, wrapping her arms around him once more. This time Harry couldn't help but return her infectious hug.

"So you're gonna be a mum Mi..." He said looking at her.

"A mum? Oh my gosh I hadn't thought of myself like that yet. It always just seemed like Hermione and baby." Harry laughed at her shocked expression. "But in around 5 months that's what I'll be known as... its surreal."

"Well you can always opt for Hermione, Harry, Ron, Ginny, The Order... and baby." Harry said with a slight grin. "You know that we were completely serious before? We're here for you - always."

Hermione looked up at the dark haired boy. She hadn't felt this relaxed... this OK, in months. "I know... and I'm beginning to feel better already." she said, her lips turning up into the first natural smile she'd given in a long time.

~ o ~ o ~ o ~ o ~ o ~

The next couple of months rolled by without much fuss. She had discussed her options with Dumbledore and it had been decided that she would take an accelerated program which would allow her to complete her NEWTS early, giving her time to prepare for her child. It was apparent that nobody wanted her to feel as if she was alone or being forced to leave Hogwarts anytime soon. She had even been offered an extended residence which meant that she could keep her head girl's rooms into the summer holidays, while she found a more permanent arrangement.

Harry and Ron had been there for her like they had promised. Things almost went back to _normal_ - well as normal as they can be when you feel as if your life has been destroyed. Each day she felt a little better, like she could do this - raise a child. She would run her hand across her rounded tummy and smile. The small flutters in her stomach had recently turned into more active thumps as her baby found it's arms and legs. Ginny was constantly saying that the baby had obvious Quidditch reflexes, a thought which made Hermione sigh on the inside as she thought about where they had come from. There were so many things that Sirius was going to miss. She tried not to think about him often, but in the dead of night when her mind was free from distraction and her child was restless within, she couldn't help but dwell on the fact that he had not come to see her since their last _encounter_. Of course she had asked him to leave her alone, to let her go. She was adamant that she wanted nothing from him, but something in the depth of her chest knew the truth. That of all the things that she could have from him, the only thing that she truly wanted was his love. Yet still he had not come.

"What do you say 'Mione?"

"Hmm?" Hermione, suddenly remembering where she was, turned to Harry with a small smile. "Sorry Harry I was off on my own planet there for a minute."

"I said, why don't you come down for Quidditch practice today? It should only go for an hour or so and then we can go get a late lunch."

"I don't know guys. It looks like rain and I don't fancy a cold right now." she said with a laugh.

"Ahhh cold shmold. It won't rain. And if it does then I swear to swoop down and fly you back to the castle doors myself."

Hermione laughed as Ginny clapped her brother around the head. "Ron Weasley you will do no such thing. In her condition and your flying skills in wet weather she would be safer on a hippogriff."

"Heyyyy!" Ron argued "I'm not that bloody bad."

"He most certainly is not." said Harry with a slight shudder, obviously remembering the uneasy ride on Buckbeak.

In between more laughs and slaps from Ginny somehow Hermione was wrangled out into the dampening grounds. Pulling her cloak around herself a little tighter she cast a small warming charm on the seat she took in the stands.

Like she had predicted, in no time at all (after exactly 3 laps by Harry around the pitch) dark clouds were rolling in and the sky was letting loose. In less than a minute she was drenched, her curls glued to her cheeks. Pulling her arms above her head she let the rain fall down upon her, smiling as she waved at Harry who was currently chasing Ginny across the pitch. A few minutes later as the rain began to resemble more of a monsoon than a shower she became more aware of the chill that was starting to descend upon her even with her warming charm.

"RON! I'm going to head back!" she yelled over the wind. Taking his wave in her direction as a sign that he had heard her she began making her way back to the castle.

Stopping by the great hall to pick up an apple to tide her over before lunch, she eventually arrived at her rooms. "Hopscotch" she said as the small witch in the portrait smiled at her and swung forward to reveal her door. She wasn't in the room a minute before there was a loud knocking at the door. "Ha! I knew you guys wouldn't last much more. Who said it wouldn't rain hmm?" she yelled playfully towards the door. Dropping her apple on her bed she swung open the door. Her eyes widened with shock at who stood before her.

Reviews Please!


	11. Chapter 11

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Harry Potter… sucks to be me still.

The next chapter is here. Thank you to everyone that has been reviewing. I'm loving them! Hope you love Sirius' visit… don't worry there's more drama to come trust me!

**Chapter Eleven. **

Sirius looked straight at the young witch who stood before him. She too had obviously been out the rain. Her white blouse was pulling slightly against the curve of her stomach. In the two months since he'd seen her she had certainly started to fill out more. It was strange for him to see her in such a way. On the one hand he saw the innocent young girl who he had helped to overcome her grief, and in the other he saw the young woman who was being forced to grow up before her time... and all because of his reckless decision.

"What are you doing here?" Hermione asked awkwardly, taking in a deep breath. "You shouldn't have come. Go home." she said as she began to shut the door.

"Wait... Hermione... just hear me out." he said gripping the door in front of him. "A few minutes. That's it... ?"

She paused taking in his appearance. Like her he was wet from head to toe, his hair sticking to his forehead and cheeks, his eyes resembling the storm outside. Something in them told her that she needed to hear what he had to say. "Alright" she spoke slowly "A few minutes." She pulled the door back making room for him to step inside. Scraps of parchment still littered her desk along with the remnants of the sweets she'd been practically inhaling over the past few days.

Sirius stared at her as she moved across the room to a large dresser. Pulling out some dry sweat pants and a clean sweater, she gestured to the bathroom. "I'll just be a minute." Her voice had a slight uncertainty to it. He nodded his head in response and began pacing the length of the room. He had come here on impulse, not knowing what he intended to say, just knowing that he needed to see her. He needed to get everything out that had been bubbling up inside of him since the end of the Christmas break.

Hermione pressed her back against the bathroom door. _Why was he here? What on earth had possessed him to come to see her after all this time - it had been two months for Merlin's sake! _She pulled the drenched clothes from her body and slipped on the grey sweatpants (her jeans had stopped fitting around a month ago) and baby blue sweater she had taken from her dresser. Not yet ready to go and face what stood on the other side of the door, she used a drying charm on her hair and twisted the curls up into a bun at the base of her neck. She gave herself a once over in front of the mirror. "Calm down and take deep breaths" she told her reflection, before exiting the bathroom.

Sirius turned around to face her as she came back into the room. His breath caught in his throat as he took in the sight of her. She was a beautiful girl... woman. Her skin was glowing, whether it was from being out in the rain or... her condition he didn't know. She was staring at him expectantly and it wasn't until she uttered his name that he realised he'd been staring at her much longer than he should have.

"Sirius?" Hermione asked, growing slightly uncomfortable at the strange look on his face.

"I didn't really - I mean it never seemed real before... that's why I had to come. To see it for myself. To be sure." he finally said, looking up from her stomach to meet her eyes.

She stood still, letting his words sink in while he stared questioningly at her. _Questioningly? To be sure? Sure of what... that he was the baby's father? That there was a baby?_ Not wanting the thoughts to circle her head yet again she turned back to her visitor. "Well as you can see... it's real. Six months real to be exact." Seeing him pale slightly at her statement she continued "Sirius I don't expect anything from you. I never did. Not after that night." her breath hitching slightly. She couldn't stand to be in such close proximity to him. It hurt her too much.

There was sadness and fear in her eyes. He knew that she didn't really want him to leave. _He _didn't want to leave, for reasons he was still unsure of. She looked so small and unsure of herself. So vulnerable to so many evils. He couldn't leave her here like this, without him here to protect her. Summoning up all of his determination he walked towards her in three strides, and took her in his arms.

Hermione felt like all the stress and anguish in her body that she had been holding onto had been swept away. She hadn't felt this way in six months... since the last time Sirius had held her. All she wanted to do was give into his embrace right there. She wanted to run her fingers through his hair and across his lips one more time, but she knew she wouldn't - couldn't. "Sirius you should go." the young witch said firmly as she pushed away from him, her hands and eyes on his chest. "You can't just come back when you feel like it - things don't work that way. It wasn't right for you to do this."

"Not right for me to do what Mi? Care for you? It's no secret that you need it." His voice was growing impatient. "I can't even hug you now?"

"No you _can't _hug me Sirius! Are you so selfish that you can't see..."

"Me selfish?" he snapped. "You weren't even going to tell me that you were having my child Hermione. What exactly _were _your plans before the entire Order blew your cover."

"Just go Sirius!" She yelled at him.

"No I will not go!" His voice deep, as he took her wrists in his hands. "I want to know. I need to know." She stood silent in front of him. "Tell me!" He practically growled.

Her head snapped up in immediate defiance, her eyes brimming with angry tears. "I didn't know what I was going to do!" She sang out. "I was confused... Don't you get it Sirius? I was in love with you... you made me fall in love with you and then you... you... you threw me to the curb like I meant nothing to you. How the hell was I supposed to tell you I was pregnant? If you didn't want me, then you sure as hell wouldn't have wanted a baby with me."

She was shocked at how quickly the truth had come out. Her hand flew to her mouth, tears running down her cheeks. Sirius stood still, one of her hands still gripped in his. _He thought he was doing what was right. Distancing himself from her. Things had gone too far with them. She'd fallen in love with him… her feelings running much than he'd ever anticipated… and now he had hurt her more than he could have ever imagined._ He felt sick to his stomach. But it was Hermione's eyes which rolled back in her head as she began to crumple before him. Quickly Sirius swung an arm under her knees, the other firmly wrapped around her waist as he balanced her in his arms, before she had the chance to hit the ground.

"Hermione? Mi! Wake up! Hermione?" His voice was growing panicked as he tried to wake her. Doing the first thing that came to his head he tightened his grip on her and headed for the Hospital Wing. Willing his legs to move faster, he couldn't help but blame himself for whatever was going on. If they hadn't been arguing then none of this would have happened. He shouldn't have come... just like she said.

He burst through the set of doors, yelling out for help. He carefully laid Hermione on the nearest bed, before turning towards Madame Pomfrey's office at the far end of the room, just as she was exiting it.

"Sirius Black?" she asked in disbelief. "Well what on earth are you d-" But she was cut off by Sirius before she could finish her sentence.

"It's Hermione! Something's happened - She collapsed and now I can't... We were arguing and she - the baby - " He rushed, unable to find words enough to convey the seriousness of everything that had happened.

Thankfully Madame Pomfrey did not need to rely on Sirius Black in order to remedy the situation. She nodded once and pulled her wand from her pocket, muttering an incantation as she swept over Hermione's body to find any physical injuries. Finding nothing, she crossed the room to the potions cabinet. "We'll revive her with this, and then put her out again." she said turning to look at Sirius. "It's exhaustion. Quite common during pregnancy. It would have been a build up of things, so don't go blaming it on today alone. Whatever you two were arguing about was probably just the final tap... she takes on too much for such a young woman" she said with a sigh "Head Girl, top of her year, battling You Know Who and now... yet another responsibility" she said softly looking at the young witch's tummy, before administering the potion.

Hermione stirred, her eyes opening a little. Sirius spoke softly to her as he tenderly soothed her in her confused state, brushing stray curls from her face. "Everything is fine. You're fine, the baby is fine." he said moving his hand to rest on the bulge sitting low on her frame. It was the first time he had felt the child since learning of it's existence. He looked back up to her face "Madame Pomfrey's just going to give you something to help you rest alright?" Her hand squeezed his as Poppy gave her wand a quick flick as Hermione's eyes drifted closed.

Sirius' hand was still on Hermione's stomach. He watched as he felt Hermione's tummy move with the rhythm of her breathing. He turned around to hear the mediwitch's voice once again and she retreated back to her office "Well now we know who the father is... You can stay if you would like Sirius."

"...I'm not going anywhere" Sirius whispered more to Hermione than the exiting witch.


	12. Chapter 12

**Disclaimer: **I don not own Harry Potter.

This is a short chapter… just a quick scene in the hospital wing to get you through until I post the next one up. Hope you like it!

**Chapter Twelve. **

Hermione did not wake up again until dusk the next day. The sun was only just beginning to rise as she opened her eyes. She went to sit up quickly, suddenly caught off guard at her surroundings and the weight of something on her stomach. Leaping back against the pillows with a small yelp she realised that she wasn't alone in the room.

"Wha-? Whoa!" To say Sirius had been a _little_ surprised by Hermione's sudden movement was an understatement. He'd lunged backwards as she had moved to sit up, causing him to stumble back over the chair he had been sitting on, consequently leaving him sprawled on the floor. Mind you he was only there for half a second before he jumped up rushing back to the bedside.

"Hey hey... it's okay. You're in the hospital wing." Sirius tried to explain to an obviously confused Hermione. "You collapsed so I ran you up he-"

She cut him off before he could finish. Looking at her eyes he realised that she looked terrified. "Sirius is my baby alright?"

It took him a moment to register her question. Coupled with her expression he saw how much she wanted this baby. Even if she hadn't at first... she certainly did now. "Umm... er fine... healthy." The words were getting stuck in his throat. But before he could say anything else she was crying.

"Oh thank God... thank God..." Muffling a few sobs with her hands, she brought them down to hold her belly. Slowly she began to regain her composure. She had almost forgotten that Sirius was there until he spoke.

"I guess there's no question as to whether or not you want this baby now."

She looked up to meet his gaze. There was definitely something there that wasn't there before. "I... I wasn't sure... at first. But now... I guess I didn't realise how attached I was to this child until I almost lost it. It's a part of me..."

The older wizard sat there staring at her. "I know what you mean." They sat there in a strange silence until finally Hermione could take no more of his strange expression.

"You know Sirius, you don't have to be here anymore. I'm alright now... really. You could have left yesterday."

"No!" Sirius almost spat out. "I mean... I wanted to stay. When you fell, I thought. I... I could have lost you..."

"Would that have been so bad?" Hermione asked.

His head snapped up faster than she had expected. "Sirius, you haven't come to see me since... I mean it's not like I expected you to." Hermione continued. "... after the way we parted."

"Hermione stop!" Sirius said "I... I'm so sorry - for everything. the way I've treated you these past months is inexcusable. If I could take it all back I would. I never would have -"

"I think we've had this conversation." Hermione said, interrupting him "I know that you would never have... slept with me... if you had known, and -"

Now it was Sirius' turn to interrupt. "No that's not what I was going to say Mi." he said, looking up to meet her gaze. "I was going to say that I would take back the way I've behaved in the last couple of months... That night. Where do I begin? I mean it had never been like that before. With you it was so... it was amazing and... and... intimate." he paused "I think that was half of the reason that I reacted the way I did. I didn't realise how much you really meant to me before that. And then I was so afraid that I had tainted the one thing in my life that was... I felt like I'd somehow taken advantage of this crush that you had on me. It wasn't until after I'd run my mouth off like an idiot that I realised it had meant just as much to you as it did to me... and by then I knew that I'd really screwed things up... What I'm trying to say is that I wouldn't take back that night for the world - this baby is proof that it was meant to be."

She was staring at him almost open mouthed at his honest outburst. "I don't really know what to say."

"You don't have to say anything. Just... believe me when I say that I'm sorry. I never meant to hurt you. I reacted like an imbecile because... because... I love you!"

_Did he just say that he loved me?_ She was saved the privilege of answering him by another visitor's approach.

"Hermione! We only just heard. What happened? Are - What the bloody hell are you doing here?" said Ron as he rounded the corner to her bed.

Harry, two steps behind him had a similar reaction.

"Ron-" Hermione tried as Sirius got up from beside her.

"How _dare_ you show your face here. Do you know what she's been going through? You should be ashamed you son of a bit-"

"Ron! Stop it! It's because of him that I'm alright. He brought me up here."

"What? Why was he there in the first place?" Ron seemed confused.

Now it was Harry's turn to speak. "I'm pretty sure she was about to tell us mate, before you went off." Both boys turned expectantly to Hermione.

"Oh God... you're going to want a full explanation aren't you?" she asked exasperated already.

"Yes!" Both boys answered at the same time.

"Look I'm fine now. Just resting. Madame Pomfrey said that I was a bit exhausted. Yesterday Sirius came to talk and I happened to collapse while he was there. It was lucky really, otherwise I'd probably still be there."

"That still doesn't answer the question of why he was in your room in the first place." Ron mumbled, too low for anyone but Hermione to hear.

"Ron. He was apologising. Trying to make things right. Please. I'm really too tired to deal with this right now."

He took her hand in his and brought her into a hug. "I was worried... you scared me. And I'll let it rest... for now, but only for your sake. I'm not doing anything for him." Hermione smiled at her best friend. "When are you getting out Hermione?"

"Later today. I've got some work to catch up on so I'll see you both down in the common room tomorrow morning alright?" This was their cue to leave. They nodded.

"Harry wait! Could I talk to you for a minute" Sirius asked, gesturing outside.

He nodded, looking quickly to Hermione. "I'll see you tomorrow."

Once outside Sirius wasn't sure how to start. "You should know that I'm going to be there for her. I know I've made mistakes in the past, but being apart from her these last few months has been the biggest regret in my life. James... he would be ashamed of how I've behaved." Sirius finally looked up to look his godson in the eyes. "I'm going to make it up to her - take care of her."

"You're right. My dad would have been ashamed... but he would be happy knowing that you're going to make things better, and do right by her. I should have tried to talk to you about this earlier. I haven't forgiven you yet Sirius, even if Mi has... but I'm trying." Harry said with a slight smile. "You should know though that if you screw up again, I will let Ron kill you."

Sirius grinned at his godson. "And I'd let you."


	13. Chapter 13

**Disclaimer:** No I still don't own Harry Potter.

I know it's been a while since my last update so I apologise. It might be a while until my next one too… the real world is a little busy at the moment. Please review.

**Chapter Thirteen.**

"So should I take you back to your room?" Sirius asked.

"You don't have to. I mean I'm quite capable of walking myself down a few flights of stairs you know." Hermione said.

"It's more a matter of me wanting to take you back." Sirius said, taking her hand in his.

She looked down at their entwined hands and then back up into his face. "Alright." she whispered.

Since it was a Sunday and still raining most people were content to stay in their common rooms, which meant that the halls were practically empty. Walking back to Hermione's room they could have been the only two people in the school. To Hermione they could have been the only two people in the world. His hand was so warm, she could feel her palms burning. Every step towards her rooms was making it harder for her to think straight. When they finally reached the door it seemed like an eternity before either of them said anything, and when they did they both began at the same time.

"I was thinking that - " Sirius began.

"Do you want to - " Hermione blurted out.

She began to laugh softly bringing her hands up into her hair. "You go first."

Taking her small hands in his he spoke softly and gently. "I was thinking that perhaps you'd like to come and stay at Grimmauld house... with me. I mean after you've finished classes and exams. I mean you could even come before exams if you'd like. You could make use of the study." He was rambling and he knew it but he couldn't seem to stop. "Of course you don't have to. It was just an idea. I just... I... I want to be there. I want you close to me. I..." He sort of pulled up short when he saw her face. She was giving him a somewhat strange look. The next thing he knew she was in his arms, her hands stretching up to stroke his neck and face.

"I want you close too." she said looking straight into his eyes. "Do you want to... want to come in? Stay with me tonight?"

"Is that allowed?" Sirius joked with a smirk.

"I meant that we could talk your offer over properly. There are a few finer points that you should probably know." Hermione replied with a laugh.

They had just entered Hermione's rooms and she was presently pulling teacups and a biscuit tin from a small cupboard next to her desk.

Twisting her wand in a reflex motion the teacups were suddenly full and steaming. "Tea?" She offered, sending a cup smoothly in his direction. "I can't seem to get enough of these at the moment" she said pulling a biscuit from the large tin " and they really need the tea with them."

"No more morning sickness then?" Sirius said placing his tea next to him and leaning forward in his armchair, which in turn brought him closer to hers.

"No not since the holidays. It was really at its worst then. Lately it seems like I can't eat enough." she said with a smile. Seeing the concern on his face she added "That's normal. I spoke to Madame Pomfrey about it. Apart from being a little tired I'm really the picture of health." He had a pained look on his face and she knew that something was coming.

"I'm so sorry Mi, about Christmas. The way I behaved was inexcusable. The night before you left... that woman. I knew that it was wrong. I only wanted you but I -"

"Sirius please don't." Hermione choked out.

"Nothing happened" He burst out. "After I saw you on the steps, I knew I couldn't. She wasn't you. No one was you. So I sent her home. I wanted you to know that I haven't been with anyone since you."

"I um..."

"And then the next morning when you had the blew with Ron... and Harry. I knew straight away. As soon as I saw your face. I'm so stupid. I put 1 and 1 together and made 11. I caused you even more pain trying to get you to tell me who the father was and all the time -"

She couldn't take anymore. She walked over and knelt in front of him. Before he knew what was happening she had his face in her hands and was pulling it towards her. His lips tasted exactly as she remembered them. They felt exactly as she remembered them. At first she thought he must have been too shocked to respond but soon enough he was kissing her back with enthusiasm, his tongue tracing her bottom lip. She could taste his warm breath in her mouth, hear him moan as her tongue explored the inside of his mouth. Then she was pulling away for breath, panting slightly as she rested her forehead on his hard chest. "Sirius" she breathed "I love you, but us living together... being together, is never going to work if you're going to feel forever guilty about what happened in our past. I've forgiven you. Now you need to forgive yourself."

Pulling her face up to look into it he said "I'm just so sorry. How could I have been so stupid? You're the love of my life."

She moved up to sit on his lap and kissed him again softly. "I know." They sat like that for what seemed like hours, Sirius stroking her back. She may have even fallen asleep at some point. Eventually he asked "So what were these finer points that you think I should know?"

Curling further into his chest - as best she could considering her ever growing belly - she said "Well you mentioned that I could come to live with you after my exams."

"Or before." Sirius interrupted.

"Or before. But obviously if I were to attempt to complete my NEWTS in the usual time, it would be almost impossible."

"But you can't leave Hogwarts."

"That is precisely my point. Dumbledore and I have had this discussion and we decided earlier this year that I could complete all of my required classes in a sort of accelerated program. Then I could take my NEWTS early and I would be finished with a month or two to spare before the baby arrives."

"So you'll be finished within the next few weeks?"

"That was the plan. I was going to stay here using my spare time to prepare for... everything. I began my healer applications already. Obviously I know that I won't be able to start in September. I'm not naive enough to think that I can handle a two month old baby and a new degree. I'll be exhausted. But I might be able to start after Christmas."

"You're not alone in this Hermione. I'm here now. We're going to raise this baby together."

She turned to look up at him. "You're really not going anywhere are you?"

"You know I'm not. This is our child and I'm going to support you in every way. You don't even have to work if you don't want to. You know that I have more money than I know what to do with." Seeing her face he continued. "But I know you and I know that this is your passion... healing is what you always wanted to do."

"I love you." She whispered moving herself up so that she could kiss him. Before they could get too involved however, she got a pleasant shock. Quickly pulling his hands down to her belly she felt a smile spread across her face. "Sirius she's moving. Feel."

Pushing his hands down slightly the rhythmic little kicks pushed against his palms. The shock of feeling his child move under his hands was like nothing he'd ever experienced. Then suddenly he looked up. "She?"

Hermione shrugged with a smile. "Or he. I like to alternate. I haven't found out if it's a boy or a girl. I figured I could let myself have this one surprise."

"Well he's one hell of an athlete. Feel how much he's moving in there!"

Laughing she moved back to rest her back against his chest again leaving his hands on their baby. "Ginny has been saying that this baby has all the makings of an amazing quidditch player. Every time she said it I thought of you. I tried to pretend that I didn't but I deep down I knew the truth."

Rubbing his hands in slow circles Sirius bent down to kiss her temple. "I've thought about you every day since the summer... every minute."

Moving back into his chest Hermione felt herself relax. Things hadn't felt this right since... since before she'd lost her parents... since before everything had fallen apart.

~ o ~ o ~ o ~ o ~ o ~

Hermione woke up hours later to find herself tucked into her bed with Sirius wrapped around her from behind. Realising that he must have moved her from the armchair at some point during the night she smiled. _This is how things are meant to be - we're meant to be together. We were made for this._

"I can feel her moving in there." came a rumbling voice from behind her. Hermione herself had been woken up by the little turns in her tummy.

Turning over in the bed she noticed the sun shining through the cracks in the curtains. "I know. It woke me."

"Good thing too. Otherwise I would have had to wait forever to do this." Slowly bending his head he took her bottom lip into his mouth. Feeling his hands move up to curve around her waist she let him deepen the kiss opening her mouth a little wider. Her body was burning by the time he'd slipped his hands up and under her shirt. "Can we get rid of this then?" he asked huskily, pulling on her bra clasp.

Nodding her head she quickly grabbed her wand from where it lay on the bedside table. "Do you want to do the honours?" she said.

Kissing down her neck he slowly made his way to the buttons down the front of her top. "How about we do it the old fashioned way..." he suggested. Before she knew it her shirt was gone and Sirius was peeling her bra from her chest. Her body on fire, Hermione could hardly breathe by the time he had got to her knickers. His mouth was working its way across her stomach when she realised he'd stopped. "You are the most beautiful thing I've ever seen." he whispered looking down at her before coming to lay beside her.

"It seems a little unfair that you're wearing so many clothes."

Grinning back at her he clicked his fingers and in an instant his clothes were gone. "Better?" he asked. Slowly taking his face in her hands she brought his mouth back down to hers. HIs body was so firm next to her. His hands were all that she could feel as he ran them down her hips. Suddenly though they weren't the only ones as little fists began pounding from the inside. All of a sudden everything was moving too quickly. What if they weren't supposed to do this yet?

"Maybe we should wait..." she confessed breathlessly, pulling back from him slightly.

"Too soon?" He said distancing himself from her quickly.

Grabbing his wrist and pulling him back towards her she shook her head. "Not for the reasons you think." she rushed out. "I just... maybe we're not supposed to... I mean I think that I want to check that this is alright." Seeing his dawning expression she continued. "I want to make love to you. I do. But... maybe we can wait until-"

"-Hermione I'll wait for you forever if that's what you want." he said pulling her shirt back around her shoulders.

Gripping his hands tighter in her own she looked at the man in front of her. "So you understand?"

"Of course I understand. I love you and I want to make sure that this is safe too. Maybe I just got a bit carried away."

Smiling back at him Hermione reached up to kiss him softly on the lips. "Maybe we both did."

Grinning back at her he laughed. "Besides if I don't play hard to get you'll get bored with me."

"You're such a dog Sirius." she said with a laugh.

"Now that sweetheart you are right about!" Before she could utter another sound she was watching him jump from the bed. When he hit the ground he was Padfoot. Running around the side of the bed he leapt up to lick her on the face.

"Ahh! Sirius that tickles!" Her laughter was boiling up in her chest as she tried to escape his nuzzling. "Okay okay I give up!" She could hardly breathe from laughing so hard. Barking loudly he began prancing around the room looking quite pleased with himself, jumping back and forth wanting to play.

~ o ~ o ~ o ~ o ~ o ~


End file.
